Tue Jul 19 08:31:57 2011
churros + blood = gremlins
Sat Jul 30 06:38:09 2011
the exhaust port right below the main port, if you catch my drift
Fri Aug 5 06:38:09 2011
the diggs particle, as first postulated by sciencemaster taye diggs, D.D.S.
Mon Aug 8 06:38:08 2011
centaur orgies are emotionally and topographically complicated
Thu Aug 11 06:38:33 2011
for fifty bucks more you get a placenta and a side of nipples
Tue Aug 16 06:38:36 2011
burrito jones is number one in the mexican food weight class
Fri Aug 19 06:38:29 2011
buy two lifestyles, get the third for half price
Mon Aug 22 06:39:37 2011
entertainment fortnight is a primary source of information for 83% of multiversal entities rated semisentient and above
Sat Aug 27 00:38:30 2011
that fluid is used to make printer ink, which is why it costs so much
Mon Aug 29 18:38:30 2011
unless the scissors have been coated with mayor spaceberg's time slime, available in two and five gallon tubs at the end of this press conference
Thu Sep 1 06:38:37 2011
at three hundred attendees, the wizstards are considering moving the event to the holiday inn for next year's tenth anniversary
Mon Sep 5 06:38:25 2011
on page 37 there is an illustration of goofus and gallant that you can color in with crayons
Thu Sep 8 06:38:26 2011
go do a google search for 'most hated group in america', go ahead, I'll wait
Wed Sep 14 06:38:29 2011
the funstinguisher is not meant to be used internally
Tue Sep 20 18:38:30 2011
omg he made a poop joke DEAL WITH IT BITCHEZ i gotsta stay real to my rootz
Sat Sep 24 06:38:26 2011
crazy delicious like a fox, at simulating raisins
Tue Sep 27 00:15:16 2011
regrets, i've had a few, the price goes down when you purchase in bulk
Wed Sep 28 06:38:35 2011
corn god created everything in two days and is taking his sweet time destroying it all
Thu Sep 29 06:38:33 2011
I have returned to warn you about your future self returning to make you into steaks
Fri Sep 30 06:38:22 2011
they wore pastel polo shirts and moccasins and would not shut up about powerboating
Mon Oct 3 06:38:26 2011
taco bell, please open a taco bell restaurant in my house
Tue Oct 4 06:38:28 2011
if you love to eat tacos so much then why don't you marry them OH RIGHT taco marriage is ILLEGAL
Wed Oct 5 06:38:28 2011
next week, the professor tracks down the beige burrito of sausalito
Thu Oct 6 06:38:26 2011
and if he is, he's unlikely to mind
Thu Oct 6 23:45:52 2011
and my axe
Mon Oct 10 06:38:37 2011
hruthangians love their hair like tea partiers love their racism
Tue Oct 11 06:38:30 2011
in times of economic strife I always print out my amazon wishlist and ceremoniously set it on fire
Thu Oct 13 00:38:27 2011
It is not wisdom but Authority that makes a law. -Thomas Hobbes
Tue Oct 18 21:12:29 2011
also they vote republican
Mon Oct 24 00:38:52 2011
I am sure that somewhere there is a nice wealthy man with a good sweater but he remains elusive
Thu Oct 27 00:38:26 2011
'real leather trim' is a condition caused by improper application of self-tanning products
Fri Oct 28 06:38:25 2011
yahweh hasn't shown up to work in a couple thousand years but he still collects benefits
Mon Oct 31 06:38:19 2011
benjamin darkflow was found guilty of thirteen causality violations ranging from petty retrocausality to first degree self-murder
Wed Nov 2 06:38:08 2011
spanish larry only murders on the weekends, for charity
Thu Nov 3 06:38:09 2011
oh boy
Fri Nov 4 19:53:15 2011
porifera lack the ability to distinguish fact from fiction
Mon Nov 7 09:08:17 2011
weresnakes taste a lot like werechickens
Tue Nov 8 11:38:12 2011
computer, please display anatomical compatibility chart for salamanders, and a list of smooth jazz songs that salamanders might enjoy
Thu Nov 10 00:38:11 2011
two years later, beef siding is a multi-billion dollar industry and the beef sandwich was discontinued due to lack of interest
Thu Nov 10 18:38:12 2011
god can change into anything except physical evidence
Mon Nov 14 00:38:29 2011
Hits From The Ultrabong
Tue Nov 15 00:38:10 2011
Scientists do it to within a tolerance of .001 microns
Wed Nov 16 20:15:46 2011
not on the mouth, ma
Thu Nov 17 09:11:27 2011
giraffes are proof that we are alone in a cold uncaring universe
Fri Nov 18 08:38:08 2011
and they never exhaled again
Mon Nov 21 09:21:43 2011
moupies are groupies who are into money or maybe mouses or something
Tue Nov 22 06:38:10 2011
photos leaked onto the hypernet within twelve seconds
Wed Nov 23 06:38:10 2011
the next x-prize: construct a toilet powerful enough to contain a relativistic shart over interplanetary distances
Thu Nov 24 06:38:11 2011
everything is skyrim now
Mon Nov 28 06:38:14 2011
there is a kenny loggins on every level of the multiverse but sometimes he is a famous chef instead
Mon Nov 28 10:39:44 2011
there is a kenny loggins on every level of the multiverse but sometimes he is a famous chef instead
Tue Nov 29 06:38:08 2011
the regular-size horse is a racist but you have to respect that
Wed Nov 30 06:38:07 2011
bailiff, please bring mr. greenstein a tray of fresh mice right away
Thu Dec 1 13:38:08 2011
call me, bill prady, you can send all those other writers home now
Fri Dec 2 09:15:52 2011
And they all ate pizza forever after with no time paradoxes or causality loops
Mon Dec 5 13:38:12 2011
ketchup on a hot dog is a transdimensional offense and punishable by public humiliation
Tue Dec 6 10:03:16 2011
all of it
Fri Dec 9 06:38:07 2011
space elves made pentarrus five strong. they can make her strong again. I'm dick larry and I approve of this psychic infoburst
Mon Dec 12 13:38:07 2011
welcome to blade runner week, replicants
Wed Dec 14 06:38:07 2011
let me tell you about my mother
Thu Dec 15 13:38:08 2011
pris can type forty words per minute with her thighs
Fri Dec 16 19:38:08 2011
they say dove taste a lot like pork chops
Mon Dec 19 13:38:10 2011
being an asshole was decriminalized in mathpinion city in 1993
Tue Dec 20 06:38:07 2011
sandwich making abilities are a prerequisite for advancement up the consciousness skill tree
Thu Dec 22 13:38:09 2011
we used to be friends a long time ago
Fri Dec 23 13:38:09 2011
how many dogs do you want, I can get you more dogs
Mon Dec 26 13:38:10 2011
coming soon: pointcraft, the finest one-dimensional game ever made
Tue Dec 27 13:38:19 2011
vherundunidians 'mate' with their parasites for life, which accounts for vherundun's short average lifespan and remarkably high suicide rate
Wed Dec 28 13:38:09 2011
no natural force could have piled those monkeys like that, in that pile shape
Fri Dec 30 06:38:08 2011
facemelting is an expert level parenting technique and should not be attempted without proper training and equipment
Mon Jan 2 13:38:08 2012
removing video flern from the box voids the warranty
Tue Jan 3 13:38:09 2012
blast him with your science wand
Wed Jan 4 13:38:09 2012
apologies to clive barker and waffle lovers everywhere
Thu Jan 5 13:38:09 2012
work poops: shamefully satisfying
Fri Jan 6 13:38:09 2012
but get him started on interdimensional politics and he won't shut up for a week
Mon Jan 9 13:38:08 2012
the leopard pus represents society, see
Wed Jan 11 13:38:11 2012
you don't slay a spriggan, you overprune it
Thu Jan 12 13:38:12 2012
I suspect kin murder is something that is also strongly selected against, John
Fri Jan 13 13:38:21 2012
arnold crepuscule skipped his first four albums and started with number five
Fri Jan 13 19:38:08 2012
arnold crepuscule skipped his first four albums and started with number five
Mon Jan 16 03:38:14 2012
right dream, wrong planet
Wed Jan 18 21:38:07 2012
ice wolves love to collect shiny things inside of them
Thu Jan 19 13:38:09 2012
if you liked it then you shoulda put a benzene ring on it
Mon Jan 23 06:38:18 2012
that's enough analysis for now NOM NOM
Tue Jan 24 19:38:10 2012
wake me up when we have hoverhorses
Wed Jan 25 19:38:08 2012
chitnids love long walks on the corpses of their enemies, eviscerations and the occasional beer
Thu Jan 26 19:38:09 2012
nasa i hope you are paying attention
Fri Jan 27 06:38:09 2012
same test works for werewolves, substitute fresh-cut strawberries for buttercups
Mon Jan 30 13:38:10 2012
I suspect evolution has not brought us quite as far as we would like to believe
Tue Jan 31 06:38:17 2012
ad hominem is super effective
Wed Feb 1 06:38:10 2012
the epa considers anything under fifteen parts per million to be reasonably clean for breathing activities
Thu Feb 2 03:41:14 2012
atheism is not a religion in the same way that cake is not a pony
Sat Feb 4 03:38:09 2012
do not search for 'lemon party' from your place of employment, I beseech you
Mon Feb 6 13:38:11 2012
english professors, feel free to use the poodle example in your lectures, dinner conversations, etc.
Tue Feb 7 03:38:07 2012
I read all about it in a rick santorum newsletter
Thu Feb 9 03:38:10 2012
we are actually comprised of billions of extremely tiny ponies
Fri Feb 10 06:38:08 2012
professor james moriarty's distant uncle stanislav, don't you remember me
Mon Feb 13 19:38:14 2012
that ghost master totally had it coming because he was a jerkwad
Tue Feb 14 03:38:07 2012
hey scott you just got teabagged by that planet
Wed Feb 15 03:38:09 2012
space werewolves must be freaking out all the time because of all the moons in space
Thu Feb 16 03:38:09 2012
that rickey, always humping
Fri Feb 17 03:38:08 2012
the mayor has decreed that there will be no parking on the street in my heart during regular business hours
Mon Feb 20 13:38:08 2012
the part of the masterbator is played by simon pegg and a lot of cocaine
Tue Feb 21 06:38:08 2012
marvin denmark, he's the best, he'll put whipped cream on your chest
Thu Feb 23 10:10:30 2012
dark michael prime has a thing for gymnasts of legal age
Thu Feb 23 21:38:08 2012
owls are funniest when they are coughing up shrew skulls
Mon Feb 27 06:38:20 2012
don't worry, mrs pfeiffer has another lung around here somewhere
Tue Feb 28 13:38:08 2012
ugly bags of mostly matter
Wed Feb 29 19:38:44 2012
heart, baculum, what's the difference
Thu Mar 1 13:39:09 2012
five times as many boobies
Fri Mar 2 13:38:47 2012
oh, what's this, my complete collection of SCSI beads, how did that get stuffed up in here
Mon Mar 5 06:38:52 2012
jim littleballs the third
Tue Mar 6 13:39:37 2012
and everyone got home before 5:30pm that day
Wed Mar 7 19:39:02 2012
everyone can relate to a problem like having too many moons
Fri Mar 9 13:38:44 2012
proper conditions for horse evolution include an environment high in cocaine and electromagnetism, which horses love
Mon Mar 12 20:38:46 2012
the mystery of the horses grows ever mysteriouser
Tue Mar 13 20:38:47 2012
or exchanging virgins for gifts
Wed Mar 14 14:18:35 2012
some say that the ghosts of the gravy navy still walk amongst the living, sampling their gravies from the afterlife
Fri Mar 16 14:38:51 2012
don't look up, oh god don't look directly up if you value your sanity
Mon Mar 19 14:38:47 2012
now I can't stop thinking about new puma online dating website adultpumafriendfinder.com
Tue Mar 20 14:38:57 2012
and to pay for it, we're closing all the schools and fire departments
Thu Mar 22 04:39:01 2012
and the faint smell of snausages
Fri Mar 23 14:10:04 2012
horse grapplers are available at horse depot for $19 each this week
Mon Mar 26 07:38:42 2012
the doggie bag is made from actual dogs
Tue Mar 27 14:38:40 2012
meanwhile, the cat has turned the oven back on and is baking delicious pies
Thu Mar 29 04:40:21 2012
Monkey Business
Fri Mar 30 14:38:46 2012
you should see what the secret service horses look like
Tue Apr 3 04:38:48 2012
it's not the size of the halfling, it's what you do with it
Wed Apr 4 04:39:01 2012
my housebound brony
Thu Apr 5 14:38:46 2012
hope is just a string of ascii characters
Fri Apr 6 20:38:41 2012
today's special: death parm heroes w/ side of spaghetti western
Mon Apr 9 12:38:59 2012
respect is up 12% and makeout sessions are down 97% since the introduction of the mandatory necrobotic dating coach policy
Tue Apr 10 14:38:48 2012
at lunatics incorporated, all lunatics are guaranteed to be fresh, unused lunatics or your money will be partially refunded
Thu Apr 12 07:38:41 2012
what do you mean, you don't find mammalian eusociality inherently hilarious
Fri Apr 13 14:38:41 2012
the mutants on the bus go graw grah glech
Mon Apr 16 14:38:45 2012
:: initiate suspicious child protocol :: choco-bribery functions activated ::
Wed Apr 18 14:38:51 2012
the third worst thing was that one time they were accidentally implanted in dick cheney's chest
Thu Apr 19 14:38:58 2012
hooray for science babies
Sun Apr 22 20:39:32 2012
whee
Wed Apr 25 04:38:45 2012
paul the bard sings enlightening ballads about bankers who are going through rough times
Fri Apr 27 14:39:50 2012
Tue May 1 07:39:41 2012
three of the new commandments are sponsored by citigroup
Wed May 2 14:39:38 2012
draconic hate crime penalties stack geometrically, slaying a gay black handicapped dragon gets you several thousand years in jail
Thu May 3 14:38:59 2012
opinions are like assholes, they live in your pants and farts come out of them
Fri May 4 07:39:44 2012
whoops
Tue May 8 14:39:57 2012
it is a tale told by a team of marketers, full of sound and fury, signifying great value
Wed May 9 14:38:42 2012
don't you dare make that generalization that you didn't make about 61% of us
Thu May 10 07:38:34 2012
the angels all have unlisted phone numbers so don't try calling them for confirmation okay
Sun May 13 04:38:43 2012
evil exists because it is a byproduct of twinkie construction
Tue May 15 04:38:38 2012
for less than the cost of whatever it is you enjoy doing every day
Fri May 18 14:39:10 2012
this is how my brain makes me freakish about food and the eating of it
Tue May 22 04:38:40 2012
oh man you totally broke the dhal goat
Thu May 24 04:39:34 2012
adapted from the dracula jones novels by r.l. frankenstine
Fri May 25 04:38:51 2012
they wore plaid after 1997
Tue May 29 20:39:46 2012
in real life the chain is a tasteful silver
Mon Jun 4 20:40:17 2012
astral piracy is up 200% this year and is now the number one cause of hemorrhoids in the multiverse
Wed Jun 6 04:39:47 2012
franklin death is a bachelor
Thu Jun 7 14:38:46 2012
thank you mr. bradbury
Fri Jun 8 14:39:21 2012
dracula jones is a graduate of count chocula university
Mon Jun 11 14:39:50 2012
how dare I pontificate about chicks and their preference for laser eyes whilst dripping with internet cartoonist privilege
Wed Jun 13 14:39:50 2012
most experts agree demonic undercarriages peaked during the 1940s
Fri Jun 15 04:39:30 2012
franklin death hates wheel of fortune but there's not much else on at 7pm
Tue Jun 19 07:39:32 2012
john f. kennedy dracula high school, class of '81
Wed Jun 20 14:39:19 2012
and there's a hole in the wall where the boys can see into the horrifically empty depths of infinite space and feel the hot tendrils of insanity grip their minds as they begin to comprehend the true scale of the multiverse
Fri Jun 22 07:40:42 2012
the scoundrel's moustache is +85 dex
Mon Jun 25 20:40:12 2012
he would never say anything about your numerous 'royal pains' slash fiction contest entries
Wed Jun 27 04:39:01 2012
I love you neighbor but you're awful
Wed Jun 27 14:39:46 2012
I love you neighbor but you're awful
Thu Jun 28 14:39:58 2012
Your mom is so fat she reproduces through parthenogenesis
Fri Jun 29 20:38:50 2012
also is it a magic dog skull or just a regular non-magic one
Mon Jul 2 14:47:29 2012
to be fair, jorah loves everyone
Wed Jul 4 04:38:40 2012
littlefinger keeps three tiny prostitutes in his shirt pocket, just in case
Thu Jul 5 14:39:47 2012
please good sir, can you tell me which way is BRAINNNNSs
Fri Jul 6 17:21:39 2012
nasally-fitted gold is now mandatory for all subjects, sez the joff
Mon Jul 9 14:39:13 2012
i though you said higgs bosom, dur hur
Wed Jul 18 04:39:10 2012
we also accept mastercard, siblings and household electronics
Thu Jul 19 20:39:46 2012
somewhere in the distance, a dog barks
Mon Jul 23 04:39:43 2012
and he lived happily ever after for several more minutes
Thu Jul 26 04:39:41 2012
hot dogs are made the same way except using snakes
Fri Jul 27 20:39:45 2012
takin' control of my brain from inside my guts
Tue Jul 31 04:39:39 2012
god says put on this blessed 90's color-change tee shirt
Wed Aug 1 14:39:22 2012
but they don't taste like raisinettes
Sat Aug 4 04:39:43 2012
don't forget about the secondary market for used bosons for the gravitationally challenged
Mon Aug 6 14:39:51 2012
if NASA wants funding they need to discover space muslims
Wed Aug 8 14:39:47 2012
sciencemasters have independently determined that lizard people do empirically suck
Fri Aug 10 20:40:23 2012
earth's superior jumping technology is the only thing keeping the martian invaders at bay
Mon Aug 13 20:39:46 2012
new mountain splash brand intake liquid is the only extreme sports soda that drops an actual mountain on your frail body
Sat Aug 18 04:39:09 2012
bunnies cannot understand fractions
Mon Aug 20 14:40:07 2012
corn god brand matches and oily rags are conveniently sold in cornmart locations all over the multiverse
Thu Aug 23 07:39:27 2012
after the apocalypse skin is very much in fashion
Fri Aug 24 20:38:44 2012
it was lawrence
Mon Aug 27 14:39:47 2012
alternatively she could attend the creedence clearwater revival with aquaman
Wed Aug 29 14:39:27 2012
bacon is the single best argument against vegetarianism
Fri Aug 31 14:39:50 2012
cognitive dissonance is my bitch
Tue Sep 4 04:39:04 2012
I can take a three hour nap in only twenty minutes
Thu Sep 6 14:38:42 2012
fember beanstrap was also in all of the police diner movies except police diner 4
Mon Sep 10 04:39:33 2012
do bunnies have eyelids
Thu Sep 13 04:39:56 2012
panda dip is a dip what you dip pandas in, obvs
Fri Sep 14 20:38:43 2012
the press releases are sent out at nine in the morning on hitler day (not a bank holiday)
Thu Sep 20 04:40:31 2012
ultragod is an all-powerful all-knowing all-loving uberbeing who spends much of his infinite time being offended by internet videos
Mon Sep 24 14:38:51 2012
nobody calls regular hitler 'jew hitler', the call him 'person hitler'
Wed Sep 26 20:39:46 2012
the only true act of free will is disobedience
Mon Oct 1 04:38:39 2012
quickly put on your meat vapor mask
Wed Oct 3 20:39:42 2012
hmm that guy looks familiar
Fri Oct 5 07:39:43 2012
luckily the microwave oven has an adorability-triggered dead man's switch
Wed Oct 10 07:39:23 2012
the biggest problem with government is all the politicians
Fri Oct 12 20:39:23 2012
the stars at night are big and bright, deep in the cold black heart of a space vampire
Tue Oct 16 04:38:44 2012
toes are nature's gimps
Thu Oct 18 14:39:05 2012
also in the box: a vague sense of unease, as if the shadow of a great impending doom crept stealthily across weddings and band rehearsals and sports scrimmages all over the multiverse, and then disappeared without warning
Mon Oct 22 04:39:07 2012
also goopers drink the blood of adorable baby kittens while they give blow jobs to demons
Wed Oct 24 14:39:58 2012
puppies are naturally the best defense against a kitten offensive
Fri Oct 26 14:39:46 2012
no, I'm not crying, I'm just allergic to sadness
Mon Oct 29 07:38:44 2012
exercise for the reader: calculate the mood-energy of a 700kg bear corpse as it impacts from a fall from space. assume m-class planet, standard gravitational constant, empty stomach
Thu Nov 1 14:39:41 2012
sweet honey revenge ham, the rarest ham in the multiverse, dry cured with pure crystallized vengeance
Mon Nov 5 03:38:49 2012
Dextle
Wed Nov 7 06:38:40 2012
4 out of 5 dentists prefer chairs to mitt romney
Fri Nov 9 19:38:46 2012
For full effect, read the sixth panel over and over again for three years
Mon Nov 12 13:38:44 2012
sciencemasters need money piles to sleep on, it helps accelerate the scientific process
Wed Nov 14 06:38:40 2012
where did he get all those dicks from
Sat Nov 17 03:38:36 2012
eddie's bag of holding is full of gold, arcane tech and star fights action figures
Tue Nov 20 13:39:01 2012
blorxton's autonomous floating eye is forty meters in diameter and cries itself to sleep every night
Thu Nov 22 03:38:40 2012
all gods love to hang out and be invisible all the time
Fri Nov 23 21:38:40 2012
Stage Three
Tue Nov 27 03:38:38 2012
wake me up when they have discovered the cure for responsibilities
Thu Nov 29 06:38:43 2012
proper suicide etiquette suggests a pre-transition potty trip to clear out the pipes
Sat Dec 1 03:38:38 2012
in heaven you can be whatever kind of dinosaur you want even godzilla
Mon Dec 3 06:38:48 2012
murderpony murderpony murderpony
Wed Dec 5 03:38:53 2012
this comic is a metaphor for sandwiches
Fri Dec 7 03:38:45 2012
this is what you voted for, i hope you are happy with yourselves
Mon Dec 10 19:38:45 2012
pork can be secretary of state
Wed Dec 12 13:38:50 2012
use it or lose it
Mon Dec 17 19:38:44 2012
next week: bront finds an adorable +5 monkey of scampishness
Wed Dec 19 03:38:51 2012
the real cause of gun violence is gay drugs and demonic possession
Fri Dec 21 03:38:48 2012
hookers and meatballs
Mon Dec 24 06:38:49 2012
30% of balls get shot in switzerland, but 13% of balls go college in denmark
Fri Dec 28 03:38:39 2012
or a GPS, whatever
Mon Dec 31 13:40:10 2012
the theory is twelve pages long and written in red crayon
Wed Jan 2 06:38:40 2013
bront can make almost any dish taste approximately like chicken
Fri Jan 4 13:38:40 2013
does your son keep any spare lungs at home? just asking
Mon Jan 7 03:38:36 2013
alt text TK
Wed Jan 9 06:38:41 2013
lawsages are available in six designer colors
Fri Jan 11 03:38:40 2013
coffee mug technology had gone virtually unchanged for thousands of years, until COFFEE ARMOR
Mon Jan 14 06:38:39 2013
you are the real winner, dear reader
Wed Jan 16 06:38:39 2013
sincere apologies to all of my readers who are capable of empathy
Sat Jan 19 03:38:47 2013
eddie has a slippery zipper
Mon Jan 21 06:38:55 2013
make yourself a house, high up in a tree, built from the bones of lost critics and bureaucrats
Wed Jan 23 13:39:05 2013
president chair is a masculine chair
Fri Jan 25 06:38:44 2013
you can't truly appreciate the beauty and intimacy of a five-way canola party without filing the appropriate paperwork first
Mon Jan 28 06:38:35 2013
the end goal of evolution is to change all the monkeys
Wed Jan 30 06:38:39 2013
boy scounts can't be atheists but you can get a merit badge in zoroastrianism
Fri Feb 1 06:38:40 2013
weyland-yutani's employee medical plan has a 3-limb deductible
Mon Feb 4 06:38:42 2013
go sports team
Wed Feb 6 06:38:40 2013
hey tacos you're so fine you're so fine you blow my mind hey tacos
Fri Feb 8 03:39:50 2013
that page was ghostwritten by aaron sorkin
Tue Feb 12 03:38:40 2013
one smart unit is equivalent to three brain credits
Wed Feb 13 03:39:03 2013
one four-door pope with a sunroof please
Mon Feb 18 03:38:35 2013
freestanding cows are the number one threat to brohood
Wed Feb 20 06:38:39 2013
armageddon 2: armageddin' harder
Fri Feb 22 03:38:39 2013
look out ham, you're next
Mon Feb 25 03:38:39 2013
epicurus is great but he needs some new material
Wed Feb 27 03:38:35 2013
thirty or so necks, the exact number escapes me
Wed Feb 27 13:38:43 2013
thirty or so necks, the exact number escapes me
Fri Mar 1 03:38:36 2013
pyew pyew lasers
Thu Mar 7 03:38:40 2013
the bag itself is made from durable corinthian orc leather
Mon Mar 11 04:40:49 2013
that's not cut and paste, that's inhuman precision and accuracy
Wed Mar 13 04:40:31 2013
love is in the air, along with smoldering particulate carbon and bone fragments
Fri Mar 15 04:38:41 2013
I hope they can breathe underwater.
Mon Mar 18 04:38:44 2013
There are other holes you could try but the mouth is your best bet
Wed Mar 20 08:38:42 2013
it's not so secret, they are pretty loud
Fri Mar 22 00:40:30 2013
this is how singularities form
Mon Mar 25 00:38:43 2013
Sporkle is still available in several markets in the Worrying Zones if you're concerned about these sorts of things
Wed Mar 27 00:40:01 2013
ooh! bunnies!
Fri Mar 29 00:38:42 2013
It's Adam and Steve, not Adam and Siri
Mon Apr 1 00:38:41 2013
captain's log: babies babies babies
Wed Apr 3 02:40:04 2013
that watercooler is the most valuable single item on arrakis
Fri Apr 5 00:38:38 2013
I thought he said menthol, I thought it would be minty
Mon Apr 8 00:38:48 2013
the puppies are free in universe one but you pay extra for the replacement cartridges
Wed Apr 10 00:38:44 2013
Calphalon may not exist but he fries up a mean egg
Fri Apr 12 00:38:35 2013
the detroit cluster is mostly vacuum and old memories
Mon Apr 15 08:40:03 2013
hammy and jimmy love fastness and speed-related racingology
Wed Apr 17 08:39:30 2013
cornbread toast, natch
Fri Apr 19 02:38:35 2013
pyew pyew plop plop
Mon Apr 22 18:38:40 2013
you don't need your contacts to remember 1-555-ULTRAGOD
Wed Apr 24 08:38:46 2013
one gun to kill you, another gun to bring you back to life, a third gun to do your taxes for you
Sat Apr 27 00:38:38 2013
this comic has been brought to you by extreme tiredness
Mon Apr 29 18:38:41 2013
woo check out the semen skewer on that one
Wed May 1 11:38:38 2013
you are the owner of the means of production
Fri May 3 18:39:14 2013
potatoes, chairs, tennis players, portable electronics, smaller hamsters, arms, sour cream, etc
Mon May 6 11:38:52 2013
dungeonberries love to ferment, they do it as a party trick
Wed May 8 02:38:39 2013
oh my that satchel looks comfortable
Fri May 10 08:38:49 2013
bryn has no weapons because he doesn't need any
Wed May 15 18:38:55 2013
simon had the new daft punk album three months early
Sat May 18 02:38:35 2013
up is not an option
Tue May 21 00:38:49 2013
this just in: benedict cumberbatch has been cast as black johnny storm
Wed May 22 08:39:02 2013
satan messes with all the knobs and buttons on ultragod's home theater equipment
Fri May 24 08:38:41 2013
horatio burt, slime agent
Mon May 27 00:39:39 2013
all current studies of stippled babyrapers are based on the gut feelings of professional homophobes
Wed May 29 00:38:42 2013
beans but not bean dip
Mon Jun 3 08:38:43 2013
and that's how Pamela Adlon became the twelfth Doctor Whoa
Thu Jun 6 00:38:53 2013
all religions are true if you believe in them and also if you have verifiable evidence to support their premises
Fri Jun 7 08:38:55 2013
buy all three downloadable meat topping packs and unlock a free mystery topping
Mon Jun 10 02:38:40 2013
the third law of robotics is a semantic exploration of what the word 'harm' means under special circumstances
Thu Jun 13 00:38:39 2013
do some more drugs, why don't you philip k dick
Tue Jun 18 02:38:39 2013
Arthur C. Clarke was the first man to think of putting telephone operators in space
Wed Jun 19 18:38:49 2013
space whales are still a bit of a problem, though
Fri Jun 21 18:38:39 2013
why orson why
Mon Jun 24 08:38:47 2013
yo mama so unobservant she don't even know about the jokes in the alt text
Thu Jun 27 11:39:05 2013
this is how it went down according to cnn
Fri Jun 28 18:38:45 2013
Percy is having a rough day
Mon Jul 1 00:38:44 2013
temporary perfection is sponsored by sky larry, the larry who lives in the sky
Wed Jul 3 08:39:21 2013
don't feel like dancin, dancin why'd you break it down when I'm not in the mood
Fri Jul 5 08:38:41 2013
venereal snakes are the larval form of venereal politicians
Mon Jul 8 08:38:54 2013
nothing but flowerpots
Wed Jul 10 00:39:19 2013
to be fair that salt is a major asshole
Fri Jul 12 00:38:49 2013
the gay french cats have won this battle, but the war rages on
Mon Jul 15 00:38:49 2013
tacos didn't evolve from burritos but they do share a common ancestor
Wed Jul 17 00:38:44 2013
this is a fairly accurate representation of what the state of healthcare in America will be after two terms of Rick Perry as President
Fri Jul 19 00:38:41 2013
my apologies to people who own actual non-money vaginas
Thu Jul 25 18:38:47 2013
eww
Mon Jul 29 08:38:46 2013
that pig
Wed Jul 31 08:38:48 2013
my what a handsome phone butler
Fri Aug 2 08:40:34 2013
oh no
Wed Aug 7 08:38:53 2013
racing motorcycles on top of moving trains is second best sport. best is laser noogies
Mon Aug 12 08:39:46 2013
do raccoons have legitimate thumbs
Wed Aug 14 02:38:44 2013
that pig again
Fri Aug 16 14:38:45 2013
all right then
Tue Aug 20 00:40:29 2013
that is a tenacious pig
Thu Aug 22 02:38:52 2013
good hitler has never lost a martini before
Fri Aug 23 08:38:52 2013
thwock is the sound a pig makes when it hits someone's face
Mon Aug 26 14:38:54 2013
sandwiches don't vote because they are smart enough to know that voting is pointless theatrical bullshit
Sat Aug 31 00:38:43 2013
most universes contain at least one tilda swinton
Tue Sep 3 14:38:44 2013
it is a relatively large bedroom
Fri Sep 6 00:38:46 2013
welcome to sterling cooper, miss olson
Mon Sep 9 14:38:51 2013
four times zero is still zero
Wed Sep 11 08:38:44 2013
the catstar has always been at war with the pigstar
Fri Sep 13 08:38:45 2013
god can create the universe but genetic drift over time isn't worth the trouble
Wed Sep 18 08:38:49 2013
after the murdering comes the ultimate fighting tournament
Fri Sep 20 02:38:47 2013
jerry gets spaniels and spaniards confused a lot
Mon Sep 23 08:41:39 2013
fuck cancer
Wed Sep 25 14:40:26 2013
i will not eat them in a boat
Mon Sep 30 00:48:48 2013
pinatas are okay but I wouldn't want one living in my neighborhood
Wed Oct 2 08:39:36 2013
the new government has a higher tolerance for snausages
Fri Oct 4 08:38:41 2013
it's the only way to be sure
Mon Oct 7 08:38:44 2013
In the Gospels, the Devil is doing all sorts of things. He’s making pigs run off cliffs, he’s possessing people and whatnot. -Antonin Scalia
Fri Oct 11 08:38:40 2013
in the next panel, the cartoonist is depicted furiously tying a noose
Mon Oct 14 08:38:49 2013
my thesaurus is on fire
Wed Oct 16 20:38:41 2013
senor psymon is 100% transcanadian by weight
Mon Oct 21 17:38:54 2013
star wars needs more klingons
Wed Oct 23 20:38:43 2013
1-800-BLAH-DE-BLAH
Thu Oct 24 08:38:41 2013
1-800-BLAH-DE-BLAH
Mon Oct 28 00:38:40 2013
no relation
Wed Oct 30 00:39:00 2013
zombies also eat firetrucks but zombie movies usually gloss over that part due to the lack of firetrucks in the audience
Sat Nov 2 02:40:13 2013
we start with the duplicate chocolates and the unloved black licorice and make our way towards the taffies and lollipops over the course of five evenings
Mon Nov 4 02:38:43 2013
fuck osc
Mon Jan 13 13:26:44 2014
warning: sex makes babies but it is not for babies
Fri Jan 1 15:33:03 2016
in jj abrams star wars, the force has six sides: the light side, the dark side, the top and bottom sides, the green side and the access port
Mon Jan 4 14:38:37 2016
two full slices of pizza are still lodged in bront’s left ventricle
Thu Jan 7 08:38:32 2016
the golden core can replicate anything you want but it doesn’t do windows
Mon Jan 11 08:38:45 2016
the dreaded werevamptopus
Wed Jan 13 02:38:44 2016
it’s not a big deal, they had insurance
Fri Jan 15 02:38:33 2016
risk assessment is a pleasant way of saying ‘figuring out how shit gonna go wrong’
Mon Jan 18 00:38:44 2016
eddie is kind of awful most of the time
Fri Jan 22 00:38:29 2016
the crust is made from actual planetary crust
Mon Jan 25 08:38:37 2016
trump is unfamiliar with most sports-derived idiomatic expressions
Thu Jan 28 02:38:31 2016
good hitler gives it hard and long
Fri Jan 29 02:38:30 2016
the trump card is a big smelly deuce
Tue Feb 2 08:38:34 2016
the truth is a huge asshole
Thu Feb 4 02:38:31 2016
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha lol rofl suck it
Fri Feb 5 08:38:32 2016
what about me, he screams, standing atop a pile of bones three miles tall
Mon Feb 8 08:41:24 2016
if you’re complaining about strawmen in comics you probably shouldn’t be reading comics
Wed Feb 10 02:38:30 2016
governor o’beef is the mascot of o’beefy’s fleshburgers, home of bottomless toroid fries
Sun Feb 14 17:38:34 2016
jeff goldblum drives the green lion
Wed Feb 17 02:38:36 2016
the age-old battle between the yule log and mermaid ballerina team: friendship is contagious
Thu Feb 18 14:38:38 2016
the meal plan in hell is a pretty good value
Thu Feb 18 17:38:35 2016
the meal plan in hell is a pretty good value
Mon Feb 22 02:38:37 2016
the gene doctor has stolen the devolvement core and must be stopped at all costs
Wed Feb 24 22:39:02 2016
we probably deserve this
Fri Feb 26 20:38:37 2016
shhhhh shhhhh it’s okay, don’t think, just be quiet and breathe deeply
Wed Mar 2 08:38:36 2016
the man in black fled across the desert, and idris elba followed
Fri Mar 4 08:38:38 2016
the gunshooter likes ponies
Mon Mar 7 17:38:38 2016
and that’s why they call him “the mule”
Thu Mar 10 08:40:37 2016
happiness is your father’s perfectly weighted sandalwood-grip revolvers, warm
Fri Mar 11 02:38:40 2016
righty knows too much
Mon Mar 14 08:38:43 2016
doorknobs are advanced technology in mid-world
Sat Mar 19 00:38:45 2016
I read the stormfront website but I didn’t inhale
Mon Mar 21 14:39:16 2016
meatsphere: now in low-earth orbit for a limited time
Wed Mar 23 08:38:44 2016
what a dastardly villain
Fri Mar 25 08:38:40 2016
and that’s how the butlerian jihad began
Mon Mar 28 08:40:17 2016
in soviet america, money owns you
Fri Apr 1 14:39:39 2016
thank you for letting me make comics for you for nineteen years
Tue Apr 5 00:38:36 2016
maybe we’re all just corn kernels in the great multiversal poop
Thu Apr 7 14:38:37 2016
also there can only be one guy with a head
Tue Apr 12 22:38:39 2016
may I humbly suggest ‘it was good to finally meat you’
Thu Apr 14 14:38:42 2016
it’s a thing, a thing with some other things on it
Sat Apr 16 02:38:50 2016
alert level gamma is the level where you shuffle a little and dart your eyes
Mon Apr 18 22:38:40 2016
this wedgie is higher than cocaine on weed
Thu Apr 21 00:38:41 2016
it’s important to communicate
Fri Apr 22 17:38:43 2016
baron vartok was best known for his excellent moustache and his inability to say the word ‘pistachio’ without salivating
Tue Apr 26 14:38:48 2016
an enchanted potato peeler can always peel a potato in one long peel without breaking
Mon May 2 17:41:48 2016
this neighborhood used to be nice before the corpses started piling up everywhere
Wed May 4 00:38:37 2016
four corpses, five butts
Fri May 6 08:39:38 2016
for he is the kwisatz trumperach
Mon May 9 02:38:39 2016
a hobo can’t run for vice president, it would violate the hobo ethical code created at the 1889 National Hobo Convention in St. Louis Missouri
Thu May 12 08:38:39 2016
in reality the ultrapresident is top secret and lives inside the moon
Sat May 14 00:38:38 2016
maybe they floated away to dungeon heaven
Tue May 17 17:38:43 2016
kobolds don’t need a reason to attack, cocaine is a hell of a drug
Thu May 19 17:38:39 2016
it’s on now
Mon May 23 17:40:30 2016
oy vey
Wed May 25 00:38:39 2016
eddie is problematic
Tue May 31 17:38:43 2016
a secret nazi horse with a love for horse balls that outshines the sun and a third nipple that can talk
Thu Jun 2 22:38:43 2016
hydrox commits 70% of all typographical crime worldwide
Mon Jun 6 17:38:41 2016
purple boneface’s murder pitch was adapted from a timeshare sales brochure
Thu Jun 9 00:40:09 2016
murder is bad in the same way michael jackson is bad
Fri Jun 10 17:40:08 2016
a trumpocalypse is, by definition, worse than you can imagine
Mon Jun 13 02:39:10 2016
.
Tue Jul 26 02:38:46 2016
racist? I’m sorry, I thought you said rapist
Wed Aug 3 08:38:43 2016
monsters are grody to the max
Sat Aug 6 00:40:10 2016
now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of the party
Fri Aug 12 02:38:39 2016
this interview was doubleplus good
Mon Aug 15 08:38:41 2016
whatcha gonna do when they come for you
Wed Aug 31 17:38:57 2016
it's the eye of the tiger/it's the thrill of the fight/rising up to the challenge of our rival
Fri Sep 9 08:38:46 2016
rich people are always plucking things from the air, those lucky pluckers
Mon Sep 12 22:38:40 2016
stephen bannon never met a wife he wouldn’t beat
Tue Sep 20 02:38:41 2016
coincidentally ‘hot crap’ is the name of the multiverse’s best styx cover band
Fri Sep 23 08:38:42 2016
get yourself some dungeon cookies and dungeon milk
Thu Sep 29 02:38:43 2016
last call for dungeonhol
Thu Oct 20 08:38:42 2016
war, huh, yeah what is it good for absolutely nothing say it again, y'all
Tue Nov 8 00:38:38 2016
ghosts are always ruining a good time by showing up
Fri Nov 11 08:38:40 2016
looks like trump recaptured his assistant and lobotomized him, oh well
Tue Nov 22 08:38:48 2016
racists can often be found on the internet complaining about censorship and telling other people to shut up
Mon Dec 5 02:40:09 2016
it’s the electoral college, stupid
Wed Dec 14 08:38:44 2016
happiness is a warm trump
Thu Jan 12 02:38:42 2017
every year, packs of wild libertarians chase their ideals off of cliffs. only your donation can help
Thu Jan 19 14:38:43 2017
nobody wins in a pissfight
Wed Jan 25 14:38:43 2017
and then they took turns punching him forever
Mon Feb 6 02:38:40 2017
you’re welcome
Thu Feb 9 22:38:48 2017
I've got no strings to hold me down, to make me fret or make me frown
Mon Feb 13 14:38:44 2017
general flynn owns over a dozen pairs of tearaway pants
Wed Feb 22 08:38:44 2017
stay tuned for the urkeling
Fri Feb 24 08:38:46 2017
this is why nothing gets done
Sun Mar 26 17:38:23 2017
that nuclear apocalypse was everyone else’s fault
Mon Apr 10 17:38:16 2017
chad like pina colada, long walk on beach, getting caught in rain
Wed Apr 26 02:38:31 2017
jeff made an in-app purchase for the famous fascists filter pack
Tue May 2 08:39:02 2017
what are you gonna do, not buy the new york times? bwahaha tough luck suckers
Wed May 17 14:38:14 2017
hydrox’s people have no concept of metaphor or personal hygiene
Mon May 22 17:38:15 2017
this is the last trumpcest joke I’ll do, I promise, sort of, possibly
Wed May 31 08:38:13 2017
to be fair hillary’s brain-net proposal was insecure and susceptible to hacking
Thu Jun 15 14:38:12 2017
i’m sure that little girl will be just fine
Sat Jul 1 14:38:14 2017
hope you had a nice trip see you next fall
Tue Jul 11 08:38:14 2017
it does! yay
Tue Jul 18 02:38:14 2017
mitch is trying so hard not to be a turtle but it’s not working
Fri Jul 28 14:38:14 2017
oh boy
Tue Aug 15 00:38:13 2017
free kleenex with every comic
Wed Aug 23 08:38:13 2017
robert preston is great in enemy mine
Sun Aug 27 08:38:13 2017
that baby is pretty cool
Sat Dec 23 08:38:16 2017
that baby is pretty cool
Sat Dec 23 14:38:12 2017
happiness is a warm trump
Mon Apr 16 08:38:16 2018
Deep State
Mon Apr 23 02:38:14 2018
Goth Moth
Fri Apr 27 14:38:15 2018
Golden Age
Fri May 4 02:38:13 2018
The Cucking Of The Chads
Fri May 11 08:38:12 2018
An Important Conversation
Fri May 18 00:38:15 2018
The Happy Titan
Thu May 31 00:38:13 2018
The Shitty Matrix
Mon Jun 4 02:38:14 2018
The Tell-Tale President
Fri Jun 8 14:38:15 2018
Suicide Kings
Wed Jun 13 20:38:12 2018
Deeply Held
Tue Jun 19 14:38:16 2018
Huck You
Thu Jun 28 00:38:12 2018
Darth Stephen
Wed Jul 11 08:38:12 2018
The Remake
Sat Jul 14 02:38:11 2018
The Problem Solver
Tue Jul 31 17:38:14 2018
True Tales of Erotic Bigfoot
Wed Aug 15 14:38:18 2018
Crab City 2049
Tue Aug 21 14:38:13 2018
Crab City 2049.1
Mon Sep 3 14:38:18 2018
Crab City 2049.2
Fri Sep 21 17:38:23 2018
Who’s On First: 2018 Edition
Wed Sep 26 00:38:18 2018
Doctor Whoa Is A Woman
Fri Oct 19 18:18:17 2018
#NotAllPlaces
Thu Oct 25 06:18:18 2018
A Brief Moment of Clarity
Tue Oct 30 22:18:39 2018
The Bluish Question
Tue Nov 6 06:18:24 2018
Election Day
Mon Nov 12 18:18:20 2018
The Never Now
Fri Nov 30 18:18:54 2018
Gritty Origins w/ Discoburrito and Larvey Dent
Thu Dec 13 18:18:18 2018
Terrible Rectangles
Sun Dec 23 22:18:16 2018
Worst Year Ever
Thu Jan 3 22:18:16 2019
Terms of Service
Thu Jan 10 13:18:18 2019
Santa vs. A Little Girl
Wed Jan 16 22:18:18 2019
The Last Momma Joke
Mon Feb 4 13:18:20 2019
The Bad Opinion Haver
Thu Mar 14 18:18:19 2019
Star Trek: Tales of Morn and Homn
Sat Apr 27 22:18:16 2019
Footloose, But With Teeth
Wed May 1 06:22:32 2019
Footloose, But With Teeth
Thu May 9 18:18:19 2019
Constructive Criticism
Mon May 20 18:18:18 2019
GenZ
Wed May 29 00:18:17 2019
Turing Incomplete
Tue Jun 25 22:18:21 2019
The Shiksa
Mon Jul 22 13:18:22 2019
Magnates & Mendicants
Wed Aug 14 18:18:23 2019
Sun Sep 1 07:18:32 2019
Pokemon Go Screw Yourself
Mon Oct 7 22:18:30 2019
The Actual Victim
Fri Oct 18 07:18:31 2019
Honk Honk, Motherfucker
Mon Dec 9 18:18:32 2019
Super-Relatable Man
Mon Dec 16 18:18:30 2019
The Mandatory Fun
Tue Dec 24 00:18:40 2019
JK Rowling and the League of Disappointing Authors
Wed Jan 8 00:18:14 2020
Bird Guy’s Burden
Mon Feb 24 14:18:12 2020
Sloth
Mon Mar 9 14:20:40 2020
Negative Results
Tue Mar 17 22:42:44 2020
The Virus
Tue Mar 24 00:18:13 2020
Solidarity Class
Mon Mar 30 10:06:14 2020
Solidarity Class
Wed Apr 1 21:34:03 2020
Reality Show
Wed Apr 8 11:34:45 2020
Animal Distancing
Tue Apr 14 03:15:12 2020
Press Griefing
Tue Apr 21 18:12:28 2020
Bunnies Distancing
Wed May 27 03:15:12 2020
Encounter At The Taco Bell
Sat May 30 08:15:09 2020
Encounter At The Taco Bell
Fri Jun 5 18:15:10 2020
Second Responders
Fri Jun 12 03:15:12 2020
Harry Potter and the Poorly Chosen Career
Tue Jun 23 03:15:29 2020
Faster and Faster
Fri Jul 3 03:15:14 2020
The Fairyspring Festival
Tue Jul 14 22:15:14 2020
A Letter On Justice And Open Debate
Fri Jul 24 12:15:13 2020
Master of All Elements
Wed Aug 5 07:15:10 2020
Gross Encounters
Mon Aug 24 12:15:14 2020
Full Disclosure
Thu Aug 27 13:15:11 2020
Full Disclosure
Wed Sep 23 18:15:12 2020
The Adjudication Squad vs. Cruel Multiverse Syndrome
Thu Oct 1 13:15:14 2020
The Nominee
Thu Oct 22 12:15:10 2020
Peaceful Transfer
Tue Dec 15 18:15:20 2020
Direct Messaging
Thu Dec 24 18:15:12 2020
Re: Solutions
Thu Jan 7 12:15:36 2021
Tweeters Never Prosper
Mon Jan 25 07:15:42 2021
The Great Awakening
Tue Feb 2 22:15:44 2021
Time Flies
Tue Aug 17 13:15:45 2021
The Rehabilitation of Pepe Le Pew
Wed Jul 5 18:15:11 2023
The Rehabilitation of Pepe Le Pew