Tue Jul 19 08:36:09 2011
Swept Away
Thu Jul 21 18:40:00 2011
Relaxing Lion
Fri Jul 22 18:40:04 2011
Relaxing Lion
Thu Aug 18 18:43:50 2011
A Child Prodigy
Sun Aug 21 19:05:24 2011
The Missing Sock
Fri Aug 26 06:52:38 2011
Less Than Three
Sun Aug 28 18:43:30 2011
Ring Toss
Thu Sep 1 18:42:58 2011
Patent Pending
Sun Sep 4 18:43:46 2011
Ouija Board
Mon Sep 5 00:42:57 2011
Ouija Board
Mon Sep 5 12:44:00 2011
Ouija Board
Fri Sep 9 00:42:46 2011
The Magic Inside
Sun Sep 11 18:43:02 2011
Voodoing It
Thu Sep 15 18:42:49 2011
Escape to Bouncy Castle
Mon Sep 19 00:43:06 2011
Stools ‘n Nooses
Thu Sep 22 18:42:47 2011
Palmela Handerson
Sun Sep 25 12:56:40 2011
Fight!!
Thu Sep 29 18:42:59 2011
Forgetful M.D.
Thu Oct 6 18:44:00 2011
Museum Fire
Sun Oct 9 18:42:58 2011
False Alarm!
Fri Oct 14 00:44:07 2011
Schrödinger’s Casket
Thu Oct 20 18:43:02 2011
Graveyard Mishap
Sun Oct 23 18:55:36 2011
Batscreen Mistake
Fri Oct 28 08:37:58 2011
The Daredevil
Sun Oct 30 23:35:23 2011
Another alternative for scariest costume: a catholic priest.
Fri Nov 4 00:40:29 2011
...and a typical Norwegian summer as well, come to think of it.
Sun Nov 6 11:42:47 2011
So I guess that's not his pack date...
Thu Nov 10 18:40:42 2011
The Talking Dead
Sun Nov 13 20:58:12 2011
I know what you're thinking: How the hell did they manage to put on their clothes without opposable thumbs?!
Thu Nov 17 14:32:27 2011
'Okay, again - on three. Lift with your legs! 1 - 2 - '
Sun Nov 20 19:03:22 2011
The biggest logical fallacy of this strip: track pieces which are both an intersection AND a bend probably don't exist.
Thu Nov 24 19:39:39 2011
All schools have laser pointers nowadays, right?
Sun Nov 27 19:57:13 2011
Don't worry, I checked my third grade physics book: The science of this strip totally checks out!
Mon Nov 28 19:40:37 2011
Don't worry, I checked my third grade physics book: The science of this strip totally checks out! (No, it doesn't.)
Thu Dec 1 19:39:35 2011
The deers would then make a human head wall trophy designed to also be a crossbow rack.
Sun Dec 4 19:39:49 2011
The next issue of The Newspaper after the alien takeover would be solely devoted to the top 10 most delicious recipes to cook with human flesh.
Thu Dec 8 19:39:37 2011
At least he'll be all set for romance after the zombie apocalypse.
Sun Dec 11 19:39:57 2011
Alien chant: 'Mistletoe, chestnuts, sleigh bells!' Repeat ad infinitum.
Thu Dec 15 19:39:57 2011
His psychiatrist suggest he should just lighten up.
Sun Dec 18 19:39:42 2011
This is why you should always give survival kits to your family members. Grandma will really appreciate that double-barreled shotgun if there's a zombie outbreak over the holidays!
Sun Jan 1 19:39:41 2012
Yes, yes, physicist readers, I know the flames in the third panel wouldn't behave like that.
Thu Jan 5 19:40:19 2012
One might say he’s getting *defused*... (But should one?)
Sun Jan 8 19:43:14 2012
When not uncovering adultery, he´s also tracking down lost kittens.
Thu Jan 12 19:40:00 2012
The next important invention after these: Webcomics.
Sun Jan 15 19:39:34 2012
The Arterial Drop directly follows the Capillary Curve.
Thu Jan 19 19:39:42 2012
At first the trees reacted against the factory by sending angry letters. The irony didn't occur to them until later.
Sun Jan 22 19:39:19 2012
Bring tissues! This will be the most adorable zombie uprising ever!
Thu Jan 26 19:39:52 2012
Later he discovered he could just stay at home and make popcorn instead.
Sun Jan 29 21:41:23 2012
The robot overlords would finally be defeated when they accidentally started reading Danielle Steele novels.
Thu Feb 2 19:39:43 2012
At least he´ll die with something happy on his mind.
Sun Feb 5 19:39:39 2012
The Glorkian championship was settled by a stunning last throw by the red team, hitting a bullseye and scoring a 5x Human Casualties multiplier!
Thu Feb 9 19:39:43 2012
Later they'd fall back down after making human shapes in the clouds. (What?)
Sun Feb 12 19:39:43 2012
Fellas, there's still time to arrange this for tomorrow! Nothing gets the ladies like burning wreckage and chocolate.
Thu Feb 23 19:39:40 2012
Now introducing: Scratch 'n Sniff Webcomics! Just use a penny or your fingernail on the last panel to release the offensive punchline fumes!
Sun Feb 26 19:39:38 2012
Or maybe he´s just sad because he actually instead wanted a LEGO pirate ship for Christmas.
Thu Mar 1 19:39:41 2012
Still, all in all this was by far the most successful birthday party Captain Redbeard ever had.
Sun Mar 4 19:40:08 2012
Now scroll back up again for more finger workout!
Thu Mar 8 19:40:05 2012
Late she'd turn out to be a ghost all along in the Twilight Zone.
Sun Mar 11 20:40:22 2012
«Down the hall and to the left? Thanks! -- I might swing by here on my way back, though!»
Thu Mar 15 20:39:58 2012
While obviously hilarious, be prepared to lose at least one friend when performing this prank.
Fri Mar 16 14:40:03 2012
While obviously hilarious, be prepared to lose at least one friend when pulling (pun intended) this prank.
Sun Mar 18 20:40:20 2012
The only kind of Tea Party I'd participate in.
Thu Mar 22 20:40:09 2012
At least the townspeople wouldn't be starving during the cleanup process.
Sun Mar 25 20:39:58 2012
Sigh... Every time, like clockwork.
Thu Mar 29 20:40:19 2012
Don't worry, he'd soon become very famous as their most popular menu item!
Sat Mar 31 20:40:08 2012
Don't worry, he'd soon become very famous as their most popular menu item!
Sun Apr 1 20:40:00 2012
Hurry! There's still time to perform this prank today! Just be prepared to lose at least one friend in the process.
Thu Apr 5 20:40:03 2012
The worst part? The only reason he was there was for the (much needed) target practice.
Sun Apr 8 20:40:00 2012
Christmas is also cancelled this year. RIP Santa.
Thu Apr 12 20:43:45 2012
This is probably an accurate prediction of where we're headed in the future. Except, it's obviously completely unrealistic that anyone would still read newspapers.
Sun Apr 15 20:39:42 2012
Of course, when he eventually returned he was immediately and instantly grounded as well.
Sun Apr 22 20:40:39 2012
A dream like this is of course a lot better if you're a technophile.
Thu Apr 26 20:41:13 2012
Sun Apr 29 20:40:34 2012
To make matters worse, the assignment was about the canine digestive system.
Thu May 3 20:40:42 2012
It was either this way or by text message.
Sun May 6 20:40:45 2012
At least everything will be very clean and angular when the LEGO overlords finally take over!
Thu May 10 20:40:47 2012
Later he'd arrange an air strike over the Duck Hunt stand.
Sun May 13 20:40:49 2012
He ended up in web development. *groan*
Thu May 17 22:41:04 2012
The most destructive weapon in their arsenal: the dreaded line piece. *shudder*
Sun May 20 19:32:13 2012
This system can also be used when sending sad news, like breakup letters and medical test results.
Thu May 24 20:40:15 2012
Especially trained Divorce Dogs are also all the rage these days. Give your insignificant other an experience they'll always remember! (Despite wanting to forget.)
Mon May 28 14:40:56 2012
I guess no one ever asked “How's Waldo?”
Thu May 31 20:41:02 2012
Don't worry! Maybe this note from his son just was a creative writing assignment, and he's just exceptionally bad at it.
Thu Jun 7 20:42:52 2012
The show was eventually shut down, but only because the sharks were too full.
Sun Jun 10 20:41:59 2012
Mrs Johnson in 1B got to enjoy her riches for a whole week!
Thu Jun 14 20:41:46 2012
After this class, his kidnappings got a lot more effective. Cutting ransom note production time in half made him able to kidnap 4 more children/wives/kittens each week!
Sun Jun 17 20:42:56 2012
Nope! There will not be a Chuck Testa joke in this alt text.
Sun Jun 24 20:41:44 2012
This scheme quickly made Cthulhu the richest entity in Innsmouth! However it was nigh impossible to find a store owned capable of selling him anything before going insane.
Thu Jul 5 20:41:48 2012
Adding further insult to injury, he then vandalized their nesting trees with toilet paper.
Sun Jul 8 20:04:56 2012
Don't Worry! He finally did get his license by threatening to blow up the Driver's Ed. building. Which is the correct procedure.
Thu Jul 12 20:40:28 2012
Technically it's not cheating. (Not in-game at least.)
Sun Jul 15 20:39:54 2012
Alternate title: Cuteness Overload
Thu Jul 19 20:41:54 2012
Later he figured out he could just buy honey in bulk online instead.
Sun Jul 22 20:41:04 2012
They also forgot to hand him the obligatory Finding Nemo gift bedsheets!
Thu Jul 26 20:41:36 2012
FartBot was eventually chased off by the humans and our collectively built 14-stories high Wunderbaum air freshener.
Sun Jul 29 20:41:15 2012
He obviously got what he deserved, but it has to be said countless of giraffes had to be sacrificed until this plan finally worked as intended.
Thu Aug 2 20:40:22 2012
Someone stepped on and cut themselves on one of the other bottles, so the only other letter I eventually recieved turned out to be a lawsuit.
Sun Aug 5 20:40:48 2012
So far no one has attempted to kill *me* to steal *this* idea.
Thu Aug 9 20:40:45 2012
I also got a paper cut when drawing this comic.
Sun Aug 12 20:40:44 2012
I guess one could say the fishermen “caught his eye” - one probably shouldn't, though.
Thu Aug 16 20:39:46 2012
The bear on the left eventually pulled off a 6-4, 3-6, 9-7 victory! Unfortunately 3 more humans had to die since they kept misplacing the balls.
Sun Aug 19 20:40:05 2012
I had to to extensive research to ensure the accuracy of this comic. Mostly I learned that my apartment is too small to play this game.
Thu Aug 23 20:40:06 2012
He also got a giant grapefruit tattoo on his back. It has since turned into a date, inexplicably.
Sun Aug 26 20:40:45 2012
This comic is directed by M. Night Shyamalan.
Thu Aug 30 20:40:26 2012
You gotta hand it to him, he put a lot of effort into this, especially resleeving that jacket.
Sun Sep 2 20:40:59 2012
So annoying! He had JUST fallen asleep, only a few millennia ago. Figures!
Thu Sep 6 20:40:48 2012
The only other ingredient in this dish is even more humans. (Sometimes you just have to add some human seasoning to your human stew to make it taste exactly the right amount of human.)
Sun Sep 9 20:39:49 2012
Are you Australian? Just read this comic backwards and it will make perfect sense!
Thu Sep 13 20:40:39 2012
Anyone with half a brain could have guessed that jewelry like this would become big business after the zombie apocalypse.
Sun Sep 16 20:40:39 2012
All of HIS bases were loaded, though.
Mon Sep 17 14:40:41 2012
All of HIS bases were loaded, though.
Thu Sep 20 20:40:59 2012
I have frequent nightmares about grapefruit and chilis combining to a super-fruit-vegetable poised to take over the world through eye squirts.
Sun Sep 23 20:40:47 2012
This is probably the delusion inside every stalker.
Tue Sep 25 14:40:38 2012
This is probably the delusion inside the mind of every stalker.
Thu Sep 27 20:40:32 2012
This is how everyone feels, right? (Just say yes.)
Sun Sep 30 20:40:23 2012
The entirety of the banana was eventually eaten by the townspeople, but unfortunately not without several unlucky deaths during the peeling process.
Thu Oct 4 20:40:40 2012
Btw, he was chasing a cat with a condescending “Why Am I Driving?” sticker.
Sun Oct 7 20:40:40 2012
He was suicidal in the first place because no one wanted to buy his razorblade invention.
Thu Oct 11 20:40:51 2012
Later they'd figure out they could just use diapers instead.
Sun Oct 14 20:40:24 2012
Plot twist: He wasn't actually trick-or-treating after all and just got handed a lot of sweets. Another plot twist: The neighbor didn't know he was trick-or-treating either, and just had support candy lying around for cases like this.
Thu Oct 18 20:39:59 2012
They had so much fun they ended up staying a lifetime!
Sun Oct 21 20:40:49 2012
Of course, he accidentally turned on the radio on the car ride home and got another song stuck on his mind.
Thu Oct 25 20:41:06 2012
This is the future we're all heading for, having to resort to street performance or prostitution to afford all these alluring gadgets.
Sun Oct 28 20:41:04 2012
The biggest logical fallacy of this strip: Do people even still use polaroids?
Thu Nov 1 20:41:03 2012
The zombie uprising was eventually stopped by changing all coffee to decaf. Or well, at least they stopped coming in to work.
Sun Nov 4 19:40:12 2012
His intense stalking only came in handy when she had misplaced something in the dark.
Thu Nov 8 19:39:37 2012
Don't worry though, he's still alive. I'm pretty sure no one has ever successfully followed one of those instructional videos.
Sun Nov 11 19:39:59 2012
One of the many dangers of participating in the Movember movement. Exactly why I won't join in. (That, and no one would really notice if I did.)
Thu Nov 15 19:41:02 2012
These Robo-Grandmas soon took over the world, choking most humans to death with forced excessive meals and ruled over the rest with their collectively knitted iron curtain.
Sun Nov 18 19:39:38 2012
The other ingredients are of course strawberry ice cream and seaweeds. Delicious!
Sun Nov 18 21:39:34 2012
The other ingredients are of course strawberry ice cream and seaweeds. Delicious!
Thu Nov 22 19:40:05 2012
He then got the respect of everyone else at the office. Also: a promotion! Apparently there was an opening.
Sun Nov 25 19:39:29 2012
Of course this company soon went bankrupt - building actual team *leaders* was a much harder task.
Mon Nov 26 13:40:03 2012
Of course this company soon went bankrupt - building actual team *leaders* was a much harder task.
Thu Nov 29 19:40:06 2012
Of course, they got their revenge during his digestion process.
Sun Dec 2 19:40:50 2012
The moral of this story is: don't sleep (or otherwise venture) outside.
Thu Dec 6 19:40:54 2012
A Starting Pistol is probably *the* most useless item to be recovered on a running track during the zombie apocalypse. Even a set of hurdles would be better to hide behind.
Sun Dec 9 19:42:34 2012
Of course, later they figured it was much more practical to just steal plastic humans from store displays instead.
Thu Dec 13 19:42:08 2012
I'm pretty sure this is how every round of these games turn out - both figuratilvely and literally.
Sun Dec 16 19:39:46 2012
I did a lot of this white stuff as research for this comic, but I ended up in the hospital. It's supposed to be baking soda, right?
Thu Dec 20 19:40:04 2012
It's either this scenario, or; the earth will be smashed to pieces by a gigantic shipment of new Mayan calendars for the next date cycle.
Thu Jan 3 19:39:42 2013
He navigated them under the floorboards by playing Hot or Cold for several hours. The irony of a completely cold body as the goal was lost on them, though.
Sun Jan 6 19:39:42 2013
Luckily this comic is set in 1998, so they actually had a lot more luck over at the MIR station where the astronauts signed up for a 12 months subscription.
Wed Jan 9 19:39:46 2013
Luckily this comic is set in 1998, so they actually had a lot more luck over at the MIR station where the astronauts signed up for a 12 months subscription.
Thu Jan 10 19:39:50 2013
This is exactly like a typical Norwegian winter - I've gone through six dead relatives already!
Fri Jan 11 03:39:36 2013
This is exactly like a typical Norwegian winter - I've gone through six dead relatives already!
Sun Jan 13 19:39:46 2013
So heartwarming to see how much the animals can accomplish by working together! However, the humans soon afterwards also cooperated to just kill every single sea creature with nuclear bombs.
Thu Jan 17 19:40:28 2013
Apologies to all my old creepy lady gypsy readers. Apologies also to my children readers as well.
Fri Jan 18 19:39:47 2013
Apologies to all my old creepy lady gypsy readers. Apologies also to my children readers as well.
Sun Jan 20 19:40:06 2013
Team B eventually won after a tense final round! Team A learned the hard way that missing infants is a double penalty.
Mon Jan 21 13:41:23 2013
Team B eventually won after a tense final round! Team A learned the hard way that missing infants is a double penalty.
Thu Jan 24 19:39:44 2013
The piano also obviously plays The Flight of the Valkyries on its way down.
Sun Jan 27 21:39:50 2013
MingleBot was first intended for high school reunions, but eventually became the sole form of interaction between humans.
Thu Jan 31 19:39:37 2013
This toss is obviously a 2H6. Extra modifiers are granted for mangled eyes.
Sun Feb 3 19:40:05 2013
This was actually much cheaper than a Superbowl ad.
Thu Feb 7 19:41:11 2013
Obviously this is the coolest cyclops ever. He also has a reading monocle with hipster frames.
Sun Feb 10 19:39:55 2013
Unfortunately he later died when attempting to spell out a marriage proposal in the same way. (Luckily she also died shortly thereafter!)
Mon Feb 11 13:40:07 2013
Unfortunately he later died when attempting to spell out a marriage proposal in the same way. (Luckily she also died shortly thereafter!)
Thu Feb 14 19:39:45 2013
And so begun a war that would rage across the solar systems for centuries. The humans eventually won by trapping the Baconians in the Galaxy's largest frying pan.
Sun Feb 17 19:39:32 2013
No, those bubbles are not fish farts. Luckily - because if they were, The Great Old One would probably be even more mad.
Mon Feb 18 19:40:59 2013
No, those bubbles are not fish farts. Luckily - because if they were, The Great Old One would probably be even more mad.
Thu Feb 21 19:39:49 2013
I guess it's fair, we do poop in them after all.
Sun Feb 24 19:39:44 2013
The lead role in the inevitable movie adaptation of this comic will of course be played by Nicolas Cage.
Thu Feb 28 19:41:16 2013
On the bright side, if there really is one, he wouldn't get the chance to screw up the date with his horrible dancing.
Sun Mar 3 19:39:42 2013
The directions would come in handy for the reparation tattoo, though.
Thu Mar 7 19:41:07 2013
The bus then landed safely at a bus stop at the bottom of the ravine.
Sun Mar 10 20:39:37 2013
They only chalked these events up as signs that they really shouldn't have done an outdoor wedding.
Thu Mar 14 20:39:58 2013
The dinosaur was also impressed with her UNIX skills.
Sun Mar 17 20:40:52 2013
Unfortunately it turned out she was being completely literal in that second panel.
Fri Mar 22 00:44:33 2013
His revenge involved catching up with them and showing werewolf butt. And then brutally mauling them.
Mon Mar 25 00:39:51 2013
I hate it when that happens. It was hilarious fun the first week, though.
Fri Mar 29 00:40:44 2013
Their “Bad Cop / Worse Cop” routine worked every year.
Fri Mar 29 08:39:32 2013
Their “Bad Cop / Worse Cop” routine worked every year.
Sun Mar 31 18:39:36 2013
A subcscription of “Awake!” also comes with a free cup of coffee!
Sun Apr 7 18:40:05 2013
This comic will also be re-released in 3D in 20 years.
Thu Apr 11 18:42:04 2013
He really should've known he was in the wrong place when the Craps Table was called
Sun Apr 14 18:39:46 2013
The funeral service will be held tomorrow. Locate the nearest rainbow for directions.
Thu Apr 18 18:41:16 2013
Don't worry, he later managed to toss her in front of the replacement bus. (Unfortunately, for him, she only got a couple bruises from the uneventful impact.)
Sun Apr 21 18:41:23 2013
Although initially unrelated to his troubles, the burnt toast certainly didn't improve his mental health.
Thu Apr 25 18:39:49 2013
As we all know, whales taste the best when stuffed with snakes anyway.
Sun Apr 28 18:39:39 2013
Oops, no wonder he never got a reply. Oh well, the only way to succeed when you fail is to get up and try again!
Thu May 2 18:39:59 2013
Apologies for only depicting a finite amount of lamps in the last panel. Then again, with infinite lamps, every light source would be covered in lamps, so we wouldn't see anything anyway. Also, lamps would be jammed into your eyes.
Fri May 3 11:41:26 2013
Apologies for only depicting a finite amount of lamps in the last panel. Then again, with infinite lamps, every light source would be covered in lamps, so we wouldn't see anything anyway. Also, lamps would be jammed into your eyes.
Sun May 5 18:39:38 2013
Although, I made this comic digitally, so I guess the real winner is my computer.
Thu May 9 18:39:53 2013
The first prize in this competition was an exquisite set of steak knives! Congratulations!
Sat May 11 00:39:40 2013
The first prize in this competition was an exquisite set of steak knives! Congratulations!
Sun May 12 18:39:36 2013
Luckily this factory was rebuilt soon afterwards. They currently have several openings.
Thu May 16 18:40:57 2013
At least he's getting several RL followers.
Sun May 19 18:39:46 2013
He also got an adorable sewing kit!
Thu May 23 18:40:04 2013
The cows are also forced to drive bumper cars for several hours.
Sun May 26 18:39:45 2013
Still, The Great Cthulhu saw mercy upon the hapless cultists and their mistake - and gracefully shaved a couple years off their sentence of infinite torment.
Thu May 30 18:49:15 2013
They had a threesome the next week. Six people accidently walked in on them.
Sun Jun 2 18:39:48 2013
The sequel luckily fared much better at the box office. It was basically 2 hours of egg boiling.
Thu Jun 6 18:39:43 2013
If life gives you humans, you make Humonade.
Sun Jun 9 18:41:10 2013
Him constantly misplacing important documents was her reasoning for the divorce in the first place.
Thu Jun 13 18:39:46 2013
Unfortunately they all got trampled to death due to the elephant graveyard as well further down the street.
Sun Jun 16 18:39:48 2013
He would later try to restart his ventriloquist act with his other arm. Unfortunately the new doll committed suicide.
Thu Jun 20 18:39:41 2013
Note to self: Never buy stuff which has quotation marks in the product name.
Fri Jun 21 00:39:53 2013
Note to self: Never buy stuff which has quotation marks in the product name.
Sun Jun 23 18:41:09 2013
She then thoroughly learned that fairytales don't come true after all, as she was wrongfully convicted and sentenced to life in prison.
Thu Jun 27 18:39:55 2013
I guess this strip proves once and for all that cats DO have feelings after all.
Thu Jul 4 18:41:20 2013
I guess this strip proves once and for all that cats DO have feelings after all.
Sun Jul 7 18:41:14 2013
Don't worry, only the kid died. As a fan of extreme sports, Death was only visiting in the first three panels.
Thu Jul 11 18:43:23 2013
This comic is based on a true story, although in real life the potato salad forced me to buy cleaning supplies as well.
Sun Jul 14 18:41:16 2013
It was either this way or jump down in a parachute with a jackhammer.
Mon Jul 15 18:41:24 2013
It was either this way or jump down in a parachute with a jackhammer.
Thu Jul 18 18:41:20 2013
The third and final ingredient in the Brain Freeze smoothie is obviously a pinch of *love*.
Sun Jul 21 18:41:04 2013
Be sure to print out this comic and hang it on your fridge. You know, just to show it who's really in charge.
Thu Jul 25 18:41:14 2013
Other underwater inventions he's made: tiny adorable chains and oxygen masks so that the human food can be preserved for longer outside of its packaging.
Sun Aug 11 20:41:19 2013
Turns out this was entirely a nightmare and he didn't hang himself after all. He did shoot himself later, though.
Thu Aug 15 20:41:19 2013
But hey, his problems with the mob would mean he'd meet more people. Gotta have faith! Sigh.
Thu Aug 22 20:41:19 2013
We're pretty much assholes. Either way we'd be looking down on him.
Sun Aug 25 20:43:17 2013
In the likely event that you will have to slap a child, an emergency parachute can be retrieved from under the seat in front of you.
Thu Aug 29 20:42:50 2013
Several bystanders also had to be brought in by the paramedics due to excessive ROFL-ing.
Sun Sep 1 20:41:07 2013
There was also a relay race, using Jason's machete as the baton. Only 3 limbs were lost!
Thu Sep 5 20:41:08 2013
Don't worry! This strip is not canon. If it was, there would probably be no more Optipess comics.
Fri Sep 6 14:41:18 2013
Don't worry! This strip is not canon. If it was, there would probably be no more Optipess comics.
Sun Sep 8 20:43:28 2013
Of course, the tornado also returned the next day to pick up the cash prize.
Thu Sep 12 20:41:59 2013
He also managed to tweet out his Mile High Club invitation in time.
Sat Sep 14 02:41:53 2013
He also managed to tweet out his Mile High Club invitation in time.
Sun Sep 15 20:41:55 2013
Of course, the illness creatures escaped and went through the forcefield themselves, resulting in new illness creatures that would make HP Lovecraft proud.
Wed Sep 18 20:43:34 2013
Of course, the illness creatures escaped and went through the forcefield themselves, resulting in new illness creatures that would make HP Lovecraft proud.
Thu Sep 19 20:41:55 2013
Don't worry, the birds were eventually caught and properly roasted. The girl still said no, though.
Fri Sep 20 14:41:55 2013
Don't worry, the birds were eventually caught and properly roasted. The girl still said no, though.
Sun Sep 22 20:41:56 2013
Eventually Lassie showed up as well, wishing for beef bones and humpable legs.
Sun Sep 22 22:45:18 2013
Eventually Lassie showed up as well, wishing for beef bones and humpable legs.
Tue Sep 24 14:42:01 2013
Eventually Lassie showed up as well, wishing for beef bones and humpable legs.
Thu Sep 26 20:42:08 2013
Little known fact: Laika did infact bring back the bone, unfortunately along with several bones of her own.
Fri Sep 27 00:42:06 2013
Little known fact: Laika did infact bring back the bone, unfortunately along with several bones of her own.
Sun Sep 29 20:42:08 2013
Monica: So why don't you go and ask her out? Oh, what's the worse thing that could happen? Chandler: I could *die*.
Sun Sep 29 22:41:56 2013
Monica: So why don't you go and ask her out? Oh, what's the worse thing that could happen? Chandler: I could *die*.
Thu Oct 3 20:41:08 2013
This stork may also be responsible for the postal service where you live.
Sun Oct 6 20:41:51 2013
This ride was also adapted into a 3-hour European art house film.
Mon Oct 7 20:41:14 2013
This ride was also adapted into a 3-hour European art house film.
Thu Oct 10 20:40:59 2013
Hm, this one probably makes more sense if you hold it up against a mirror. Try it!
Fri Oct 11 08:40:57 2013
Hm, this one probably makes more sense if you hold it up against a mirror. Try it!
Sun Oct 20 20:41:10 2013
They also lost against the Turtle team. Even the Sloth team beat them.
Wed Oct 23 02:42:28 2013
They also lost against the Turtle team. Even the Sloth team beat them.
Thu Oct 24 20:41:28 2013
The boy from the first panel probably got eaten before the last panel. (Either that or I forgot to draw him again.)
Fri Oct 25 22:41:07 2013
The boy from the first panel probably got eaten before the last panel. (Either that or I forgot to draw him again.)
Sun Oct 27 20:41:01 2013
Oh no! Remember, eating humans without removing the wrapper will always give you a tummyache.
Wed Oct 30 22:41:15 2013
Oh no! Remember, eating humans without removing the wrapper will always give you a tummyache.
Thu Oct 31 20:41:35 2013
Yay, with these savings he could afford to kill 3 victims for the previous price of 2!
Sun Nov 3 20:41:33 2013
Poor Fluffy got the blame, with a complete diet change as punishment.
Tue Nov 5 00:41:09 2013
Poor Fluffy got the blame, with a complete diet change as punishment.
Thu Nov 7 20:41:08 2013
When in doubt, wish for more ice cream.
Sun Nov 10 20:41:14 2013
I'm pretty sure the science of this comic totally works out. Unfortunately there aren't a lot of these diving dresses going around these days, otherwise I'd give it a go myself.
Wed Nov 13 02:40:58 2013
I'm pretty sure the science of this comic totally works out. Unfortunately there aren't a lot of these diving dresses going around these days, otherwise I'd give it a go myself.
Thu Nov 14 20:41:30 2013
Unfortunately, for the zombies, only complete idiots would barricade themselves in this particular building.
Sat Nov 16 00:41:34 2013
Unfortunately, for the zombies, only complete idiots would barricade themselves in this particular building.
Sun Nov 17 20:41:24 2013
Another comic my dentist probably won't hang up on display in his waiting room.
Wed Nov 20 22:41:22 2013
Another comic my dentist probably won't hang up on display in his waiting room.
Thu Nov 21 20:41:07 2013
Yeah, I know, the original report in the first article is fake. The second article is 100% true, though.
Sat Nov 23 17:44:43 2013
Yeah, I know, the original report in the first article is fake. The second article is 100% true, though.
Sun Nov 24 20:41:27 2013
Yup, that's underwater chalk. Don't think about it too hard, I clearly didn't.
Wed Nov 27 20:41:20 2013
Yup, that's underwater chalk. Don't think about it too hard, I clearly didn't.
Thu Nov 28 20:41:18 2013
I'm really looking forward to the storyline where they walk around peeing on things on a farm for half a season.
Sun Dec 1 20:41:14 2013
These minions were promptly replaced. Unfortunately the new ones were even worse and only lasted three millennia.
Thu Dec 5 20:42:42 2013
Although this moment seemed to last an eternity, Rudolph eventually caved in. The couple is now happily living together with 3 beautiful adopted children.
Sun Dec 8 20:44:40 2013
Whatever you do, DO NOT eat the yellow snow.
Mon Dec 9 17:41:31 2013
Whatever you do, DO NOT eat the yellow snow.
Thu Dec 12 20:42:41 2013
Alternate title: 13th Day of Christmas
Fri Dec 13 17:41:36 2013
Alternate title: 13th Day of Christmas
Sun Dec 15 20:41:12 2013
“But seriously, Jesus. What have you ever done for MY birthday?”
Tue Dec 17 00:44:26 2013
“But seriously, Jesus. What have you ever done for MY birthday?”
Thu Jan 2 20:41:31 2014
Until his next hit, he will just be... killing time.
Sun Jan 5 20:42:31 2014
The flower army was eventually killed by pesticide, but not before they managed to plant some secret seeds to set up the sequel.
Tue Jan 7 00:43:02 2014
The flower army was eventually killed by pesticide, but not before they managed to plant some secret seeds to set up the sequel.
Thu Jan 9 20:42:44 2014
A reminder: Always thoroughly sedate your cat before using it for this purpose.
Sun Jan 12 20:41:00 2014
They DID find a solution, unfortunately the video tutorial on YouTube was a few minutes too long.
Sun Jan 19 20:41:10 2014
However, his false sense of security would soon be shaken up by his arch nemesis - THE PERSONAL TRAINER!
Tue Jan 21 17:42:20 2014
However, his false sense of security would soon be shaken up by his arch nemesis - THE PERSONAL TRAINER!
Wed Jan 22 20:41:12 2014
However, his false sense of security would soon be shaken up by his arch nemesis - THE PERSONAL TRAINER!
Thu Jan 23 20:41:26 2014
In her recurring nightmare, the human would sometimes just be standing there in the dark corner of her room, seductively watching her while he'd be playing with his smartphone.
Fri Jan 24 20:41:16 2014
In her recurring nightmare, the human would sometimes just be standing there in the dark corner of her room, seductively watching her while he'd be playing with his smartphone.
Sun Jan 26 20:41:22 2014
“A..C..T..U..A..L..L..Y.. J..U..S..T.. B..U..R..N.. T..H..E.. C..O..M..P..U..T..E..R..”
Tue Jan 28 02:41:38 2014
“A..C..T..U..A..L..L..Y.. J..U..S..T.. B..U..R..N.. T..H..E.. C..O..M..P..U..T..E..R..”
Thu Jan 30 20:41:16 2014
Plot twist: He couldn't actually operate a tablet either, so he had to get the Books for Dummies - Tabled Edition - Audiobook Version.
Sat Feb 1 00:41:08 2014
Plot twist: He couldn't actually operate a tablet either, so he had to get the Books for Dummies - Tabled Edition - Audiobook Version.
Sun Feb 2 20:41:04 2014
Well, as they say, laugther IS the best medicine.
Mon Feb 3 20:44:16 2014
Well, as they say, laugther IS the best medicine.
Thu Feb 6 20:42:04 2014
Fortunately for the party-goers, the host had several “unmute” bats lying around.
Sun Feb 9 20:42:53 2014
They met online earlier and did the exact same thing, somehow.
Thu Feb 13 20:41:07 2014
This will actually happen for real if you love someone too much. Pro tip: It’s probably best to break up with them now while you still can. (Be sure to send me their number afterwards, though.)
Sat Feb 15 00:42:54 2014
This will actually happen for real if you love someone too much. Pro tip: It’s probably best to break up with them now while you still can. (Be sure to send me their number afterwards, though.)
Sun Feb 16 20:43:38 2014
The easiest solution: just change teams.
Thu Feb 20 20:42:20 2014
My very first slice-of-life comic!
Thu Feb 20 22:42:29 2014
My very first slice-of-life comic!
Sat Feb 22 00:41:43 2014
My very first slice-of-life comic!
Sun Feb 23 20:42:17 2014
This is their soul points system: Fresh employees = 1000 points. Employees due for retirement = 2000 points. Interns = 25 points.
Mon Feb 24 02:42:42 2014
This is their soul points system: Fresh employees = 1000 points. Employees due for retirement = 2000 points. Interns = 25 points.
Sun Mar 2 20:44:39 2014
The perv crowd quickly also found the alternate backdoor entry to the cafe.
Thu Mar 6 20:41:41 2014
With all that spinning, I guess one could say this outcome was completely geological.
Fri Mar 7 02:41:19 2014
With all that spinning, I guess one could say this outcome was completely geological.
Sun Mar 9 20:41:11 2014
Coming soon: Bacon flavored bacon flavor.
Thu Mar 13 20:41:17 2014
Yeah, Satan is pretty ripped. Unfortunately, he was left with the usual severe side effects due to his rampant steroids use.
Sun Mar 16 20:41:15 2014
Cut to Rick Grimes in accounting loudly exclaiming that WE are the walking dead.
Sun Mar 16 22:41:08 2014
Cut to Rick Grimes in accounting loudly exclaiming that WE are the walking dead.
Thu Mar 20 20:41:11 2014
The only way to win is to not play.
Fri Mar 21 17:41:20 2014
The only way to win is to not play.
Sun Mar 23 17:41:11 2014
The only way to win is to not play.
Sun Mar 23 20:41:17 2014
This is also the plot of the upcoming Godzilla movie.
Mon Mar 24 14:41:25 2014
This is also the plot of the upcoming Godzilla movie.
Thu Mar 27 20:41:32 2014
Also it would be pretty easy to dispatch their stash in the snow when the EsCOPSimos arrive.
Mon Mar 31 20:41:10 2014
There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee - that says, fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again.
Wed Apr 2 17:41:20 2014
There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee - that says, fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again.
Thu Apr 3 20:42:26 2014
The following scenes depicts the ship crew getting terrorized by the annoying attitude of a snarky alien teenager.
Fri Apr 4 22:41:45 2014
The following scenes depicts the ship crew getting terrorized by the annoying attitude of a snarky alien teenager.
Sun Apr 6 20:42:50 2014
Phew! And so another ghastly robot/toaster relationship was avoided.
Tue Apr 8 22:42:03 2014
Phew! And so another ghastly robot/toaster relationship was avoided.
Thu Apr 10 20:41:35 2014
Now there was no other choice than to get drunk on all the wine (and crackers) they had brought along.
Sun Apr 13 20:41:10 2014
Don't worry! They had another child soon afterwards so they could continue their experiments.
Wed Apr 16 20:41:17 2014
Don't worry! They had another child soon afterwards so they could continue their experiments.
Thu Apr 17 20:43:01 2014
Which came first, Jesus or the Easter Egg? This has baffled historians for centuries.
Thu Apr 17 22:43:01 2014
Which came first, Jesus or the Easter Egg? This has baffled historians for centuries.
Sun Apr 20 20:41:06 2014
“But let's talk anyway. Nyarlathotep's congregations have the _worst_ snacks.”
Thu Apr 24 00:41:18 2014
“But let's talk anyway. Nyarlathotep's congregations have the _worst_ snacks.”
Thu Apr 24 20:42:56 2014
Don't worry, the Flame Friends escaped further into the nearby woods where they found countless more friends!
Sat Apr 26 02:42:07 2014
Don't worry, the Flame Friends escaped further into the nearby woods where they found countless more friends!
Sun Apr 27 20:41:16 2014
It's either this or have someone softly blow on the boo-boo.
Mon Apr 28 00:46:04 2014
It's either this or have someone softly blow on the boo-boo.
Thu May 1 20:41:36 2014
She also dreamt about forgetting to wear pants to her Nobel Prize ceremony.
Sun May 4 20:41:32 2014
Fortunately, for at least a few humans, that building hosted a Golden Showers convention at the time. (Unfortunately, they all drowned.)
Mon May 5 17:41:16 2014
Fortunately, for at least a few humans, that building hosted a Golden Showers convention at the time. (Unfortunately, they all drowned.)
Thu May 8 20:41:11 2014
He also finally got the confidence to ask out the cute girl in the dumpster next door.
Sat May 10 08:41:09 2014
He also finally got the confidence to ask out the cute girl in the dumpster next door.
Sun May 11 20:41:19 2014
Don't be this much of a douchebag! At least invite them in to your The Exorcist viewing party.
Thu May 15 20:41:14 2014
The zombies used brain chunks as currency for a while, until it started rotting away in brain banks.
Sat May 17 02:42:31 2014
The zombies used brain chunks as currency for a while, until it started rotting away in brain banks.
Sun May 18 20:41:11 2014
Also, there are no achievements in Cyber Jail.
Thu May 22 20:41:29 2014
Of course, in the resulting trial Mr. Scissors easily won against the opposing Paper lawyers.
Sat May 24 00:41:23 2014
Of course, in the resulting trial Mr. Scissors easily won against the opposing Paper lawyers.
Sun May 25 20:41:12 2014
Unfortunately the only snuggles he received were in the prison showers.
Thu May 29 00:44:39 2014
Unfortunately the only snuggles he received were in the prison showers.
Thu May 29 20:43:10 2014
The remaining living pencilmen were drowned in a massive biblical flood of correction fluid shortly thereafter.
Fri May 30 14:43:23 2014
The remaining living pencilmen were drowned in a massive biblical flood of correction fluid shortly thereafter.
Sun Jun 1 20:41:28 2014
He even managed to sleep through his son's screaming and wailing. Yay!
Wed Jun 4 08:41:17 2014
He even managed to sleep through his son's screaming and wailing. Yay!
Thu Jun 5 20:42:56 2014
Bad news: Mrs Henderson definitely died. Good news: the shared photo of the assumed drawing got 67 likes on Facebook!
Fri Jun 6 20:40:59 2014
Bad news: Mrs Henderson definitely died. Good news: the shared photo of the assumed drawing got 67 likes on Facebook!
Sun Jun 8 20:41:06 2014
Good news: This trick worked nicely in 6 more stores! More good news: it only caused 2 more suicides!
Wed Jun 11 02:41:11 2014
Good news: This trick worked nicely in 6 more stores! More good news: it only caused 2 more suicides!
Thu Jun 12 18:42:05 2014
Later he blew up all of Earth except for the sand castle to make sure he could preserve it.
Sun Jun 15 18:11:44 2014
Then: “Crap, my studies didn't cover any of this.” Now: “Crap, I didn't study for any of this!”
Thu Jun 19 20:41:06 2014
I spent COUNTLESS hours on this comic, 95% of them were research.
Sun Jun 22 20:43:09 2014
This was primarily revenge for all his horrible nude selfies.
Thu Jun 26 20:40:58 2014
I guess the shower can also be the best place to come up with the worst ideas.
Sun Jun 29 20:40:57 2014
Oh well, at least she didn't answer by biting.
Thu Jul 3 20:41:04 2014
Fun fact: in this alternate universe they use decapitated human heads in their desk lamps.
Sun Jul 6 20:41:06 2014
One day I will design a video game consisting of nothing but ladders going upwards.
Wed Jul 9 14:42:55 2014
One day I will design a video game consisting of nothing but ladders going upwards.
Thu Jul 10 20:41:10 2014
Of course, RoboBoy's battery promptly short circuited when RoboGirl showed hers.
Sun Jul 13 20:41:06 2014
Time travel makes my head hurt, so I would probably just travel back in time to stop myself from even going.
Thu Jul 17 02:41:20 2014
Time travel makes my head hurt, so I would probably just travel back in time to stop myself from even going.
Thu Jul 17 20:41:16 2014
Glorznak also went on to win X-Factor on Earth, beating out every human by murdering them.
Sat Jul 19 02:41:15 2014
Glorznak also went on to win X-Factor on Earth, beating out every human by murdering them.
Sun Jul 20 20:41:14 2014
Not depicted, their entire collection of useless Rock Band instruments.
Thu Jul 24 20:53:09 2014
He WAS warned, but the theme park employee really should've chosen to shout ''move your body downwards'' instead of just repeating the name of the animal.
Sun Jul 27 00:41:19 2014
He WAS warned, but the theme park employee really should've chosen to shout ''move your body downwards'' instead of just repeating the name of the animal.
Sun Jul 27 20:41:04 2014
Of course, this kid quickly became the richest individual on the planet - until inflation rendered his massive wealth completely worthless.
Sat Aug 2 20:41:11 2014
Of course, this kid quickly became the richest individual on the planet - until inflation rendered his massive wealth completely worthless.
Mon Aug 11 14:41:36 2014
Of course, this proved to be much better than actually just paying the electricity bill.
Wed Aug 13 14:41:52 2014
Of course, this proved to be much better than actually just paying the electricity bill.
Thu Aug 14 20:42:14 2014
Looks like the submarine crew experienced Lovecraft at first sight.
Sat Aug 16 14:41:11 2014
Looks like the submarine crew experienced Lovecraft at first sight.
Sun Aug 17 20:41:11 2014
Eventually it turned out that the aliens just were intergalactic fashion police.
Thu Aug 21 20:42:50 2014
Even sadder: Relationship Simulator 2014. The saddest thing: Both these games probably already exist.
Sun Aug 24 02:41:01 2014
Even sadder: Relationship Simulator 2014. The saddest thing: Both these games probably already exist.
Sun Aug 24 20:43:38 2014
And he thought lighting up the Necronomicon was bad enough.
Mon Aug 25 17:41:20 2014
And he thought lighting up the Necronomicon was bad enough.
Thu Aug 28 20:41:14 2014
It was either Sunn O))) or Anal Cunt. (Both are actual band names. Apologies for that last one.)
Sun Aug 31 20:43:50 2014
To be fair, the aliens DID listen to the golden record, but decided it was pretty worthless after discovering Carl Sagan's hidden rap track.
Wed Sep 3 14:41:19 2014
To be fair, the aliens DID listen to the golden record, but decided it was pretty worthless after discovering Carl Sagan's hidden rap track.
Thu Sep 4 20:41:06 2014
To make matters worse, it was one of those bottles saying “Share a Coke with Mom”.
Sun Sep 7 20:41:13 2014
Alternate reality plot twist: There were actually no zombies in this comic, only a lonely old man with a skin condition and dental implants who happened to be overly affectionate towards a murderous burglar.
Mon Sep 8 17:41:19 2014
Alternate reality plot twist: There were actually no zombies in this comic, only a lonely old man with a skin condition and dental implants who happened to be overly affectionate towards a murderous burglar.
Thu Sep 11 20:41:08 2014
Little known fact: The lyrics to Stairway to Heaven are actually just ''nataS liaH''.
Sun Sep 14 20:41:34 2014
Of course, much like everyone else, he spent about 8274 millennia choosing just the right picture.
Mon Sep 15 14:41:22 2014
Of course, much like everyone else, he spent about 8274 millennia choosing just the right picture.
Thu Sep 18 20:41:04 2014
I meant to add “Loved his iDroid” at the bottom there, but turns out it’s apparently a real thing - a utopian Android/iPhone device someone are working on. Either way - sorry, Windows Phone users. (All two of you.)
Sat Sep 20 20:41:39 2014
I meant to add “Loved his iDroid” at the bottom there, but turns out it’s apparently a real thing - a utopian Android/iPhone device someone are working on. Either way - sorry, Windows Phone users. (All two of you.)
Sun Sep 21 20:41:41 2014
Every day! Like clockwork!
Sun Sep 28 20:41:04 2014
Of course, he went straight back to being a zombie just a few hours later. (That is, he went back to his office job.)
Tue Sep 30 20:41:25 2014
Of course, he went straight back to being a zombie just a few hours later. (That is, he went back to his office job.)
Thu Oct 2 20:42:29 2014
Don’t worry! The movie theater made up for their lost customer by selling his smartphone.
Sun Oct 5 20:41:10 2014
AND, with disposable income he could fulfill his original dream by playing nothing but Halo on the weekends.
Wed Oct 8 02:58:05 2014
AND, with disposable income he could fulfill his original dream by playing nothing but Halo on the weekends.
Thu Oct 9 20:41:20 2014
He was later arrested for improper and excessive emoticon usage.
Fri Oct 10 17:41:37 2014
He was later arrested for improper and excessive emoticon usage.
Sun Oct 12 20:41:10 2014
Buying the Human Child costume for Halloween was a stroke of genius. Unfortunately they overate on all the candy and had to stay inside their bloated costumes for three additional months.
Thu Oct 16 20:41:25 2014
He also brought a 2055 sports almanac, primarily just to smack his younger self over the head for no particular reason.
Sun Oct 19 20:41:14 2014
This comic was probably inspired by that one time I accidentally drank some 3-day old stale coke I had next to my drawing desk. I still have nightmares.
Thu Oct 23 20:41:09 2014
He also made sure to point out his bad fashion sense.
Sun Oct 26 20:42:51 2014
Plot twist: these were placebo pills. He turned out to be even more annoying on actual medication.
Thu Oct 30 20:41:32 2014
His mother-in-law came by as well. She wasn’t let in either, much like back when she was alive.
Sun Nov 2 20:42:27 2014
Cthulhu the Environmentalist does not oppose whale hunting, though. They make such delicious pets!
Thu Nov 6 02:41:36 2014
Cthulhu the Environmentalist does not oppose whale hunting, though. They make such delicious pets!
Thu Nov 6 20:41:03 2014
This comic is brought to you by Snickers™. Go to www.snickers.com, click the radio microphone and enter the offer code “WTF”.
Sun Nov 9 17:41:18 2014
This comic is brought to you by Snickers™. Go to www.snickers.com, click the radio microphone and enter the offer code “WTF”.
Sun Nov 9 20:41:11 2014
It’s a wonder any of these comics actually gets made. I’m pretty close to declaring my apartment as a separate state and naming it The Pro-Procrastination Nation.
Mon Nov 10 20:41:22 2014
It’s a wonder any of these comics actually gets made. I’m pretty close to declaring my apartment as a separate state and naming it The Pro-Procrastination Nation.
Thu Nov 13 20:41:19 2014
Hang on to your dreams! Worst case scenario, they get away and latch on to someone else.
Sun Nov 16 20:41:15 2014
Imagine his disappointment when he discovered that tentacles are incompatible with capacitive touch screens. Also, the cell reception back home in R’lyeh is pretty horrible.
Thu Nov 20 20:41:23 2014
Btw, I did some research and the average income for a street beggar is higher than the average income for cartoonists here in Norway. That does it, I’m buying an extension cord for my Cintiq so I can draw comics outside on the street from now on.
Sat Nov 22 17:41:04 2014
Btw, I did some research and the average income for a street beggar is higher than the average income for cartoonists here in Norway. That does it, I’m buying an extension cord for my Cintiq so I can draw comics outside on the street from now on.
Sun Nov 23 20:41:10 2014
He also failed the final exam, unfortunately after tattooing (incorrect) answers on his palm.
Thu Nov 27 20:41:23 2014
Adding insult to injury, he immediately spent his newly acquired riches on some really expensive bottled water.
Sun Nov 30 20:41:22 2014
Retweets also taste like shit. (But still, please RT.)
Thu Dec 4 20:41:38 2014
Of course, he ended up shaving them all instead.
Sun Dec 7 20:41:13 2014
After the first successful title, this franchise was soon milked to death. “Infidelity in Venice”, “Infidelity - French Revolution Edition” and “Infidelity Reloaded” were all quickly churned out within months with little or no focus on quality.
Thu Dec 11 20:41:05 2014
It was also God’s will that there would be one Coke left in the fridge.
Sun Dec 14 20:40:50 2014
We also wished for Breaking Bad season 3 on DVD, which will definitely be a torturous experience to watch over and over again through eternity.
Thu Dec 25 20:42:31 2014
The last thing to go through Rudolph's mind, except for the bullet, was the thought that he'd only need a couple more minutes to catch his breath.
Sun Jan 4 20:41:44 2015
If you’re ever THIS happy at work, it’s time to find a new job.
Thu Jan 8 20:40:43 2015
Chivalry is not dead! It’s just serving a 5-6 year sentence.
Sun Jan 11 20:40:59 2015
Also reviewed in this issue, The Breakup Bouncy Castle, where you’ll hopefully land.
Thu Jan 15 20:39:16 2015
Luckily the robots were soon wiped out by a solar flare and we had to start wearing sundials on our wrists.
Sun Jan 18 20:39:22 2015
But don’t worry! After a couple more aeons he calmed right down when he started having nightmares about OUR nightmares instead.
Thu Jan 22 20:39:54 2015
5. Log back on.
Sun Jan 25 20:41:23 2015
Ah, this is exactly the kind of comic a Cancer would make.
Thu Jan 29 20:39:32 2015
One would think 5 leafs would be even luckier, but evidently this only applies to the clover itself.
Sun Feb 1 20:40:42 2015
Don’t worry, we lucked out with only a combined blizzard/hurricane of superaids.
Thu Feb 5 20:42:56 2015
Also transplanted, the part of his brain that could experience love.
Sun Feb 8 20:40:44 2015
I guess this is my pitch for a Black Mirror episode.
Thu Feb 12 20:39:53 2015
Spoiler warning: Replace Freddy with Anastacia Steele, and you basically have the plot for 50 Shades of Grey.
Sun Feb 15 20:40:06 2015
Of course, he then sued her for inaccurate fortune telling, and won - but spent all his millions on booze anyway.
Sun Feb 22 20:39:24 2015
In the neighboring dungeon, 25 more dying Mogwais as he completely ignored the “no water” rule.
Thu Feb 26 20:39:31 2015
Personally I’d save the final wish for a potentially even more annoying tech trend which hasn’t emerged yet. Surely another one will come along any minute now...
Sun Mar 1 20:39:23 2015
I guess the most implausible thing about this strip is that newspapers still are a thing even in the future.
Thu Mar 5 20:39:33 2015
Fortunately the comedic Breakup Simulator turned out to be much more successful.
Sun Mar 8 20:39:59 2015
Imagine the money replying “You’ve got me? Who’s got you?” in the annoying voice of Margot Kidder.
Thu Mar 12 20:40:10 2015
Some human lives later that feeble coin had wished himself into a solid gold bar.
Sun Mar 15 20:39:29 2015
Sun Mar 22 20:40:01 2015
And in the extra panel high above, the cartoonist looms ominously… with a trembling string attached to his drawing arm.
Thu Mar 26 20:39:25 2015
Yup, waking up feels like murdering an entire imaginary marching band every morning. This is normal, right? (Just say yes.)
Sun Mar 29 20:39:58 2015
“No Mom, you can’t eat it. It belongs in a museum!”
Thu Apr 2 20:39:34 2015
This breakout show follows the brave Roman soldier Ricktorius Grimes and his sidekick son KAAUHHL.
Thu Apr 9 20:39:24 2015
But wait! This comic has three panels. Half-Life 3 confirmed!
Sat Apr 11 17:39:23 2015
But wait! This comic has three panels. Half-Life 3 confirmed!
Thu Apr 16 20:41:14 2015
Actually I think this species might already exist. Nature (and toxic waste) is amazing!
Sun Apr 19 20:39:19 2015
This is an excellent method for executives to blow off some steam. Whacking off really helps!
Sun Apr 26 20:39:30 2015
This might be the only religious theory that is equally as plausible as evolution.
Thu Apr 30 20:39:32 2015
Sun May 3 20:39:28 2015
The seamen instantly went insane just as soon as they saw Cthulhu’s massive, impressive… eyes.
Thu May 7 20:39:17 2015
Whoever Wins, We Lose.
Sun May 10 20:39:14 2015
The rest of the newspaper contains articles that would make any human go instantly insane, like “Get Your Beach Bod Ready for Summer With These Arcane Workout Tips”.
Thu May 14 20:39:13 2015
Once they caught him, the bees forced him to reapply thousands of jars of honey back to the hive.
Sun May 17 20:39:26 2015
In this timeline, instead of original sin we get horrible underwear fashion. Not sure what’s worse.
Thu May 21 20:39:18 2015
Of course they never bothered to finish the competition. Which means they both won.
Sun May 24 20:39:15 2015
Thu May 28 20:39:30 2015
In the fourth stage they are still cursing each other from their graves.
Sun May 31 20:39:15 2015
Also, solely thanks to the robotic limb, Fluffy was FINALLY able to catch the elusive laser pointer dot.
Thu Jun 4 20:39:37 2015
Every single day. Repeat ad nauseam. (Even though nausea kicks in immediately anyway.)
Sun Jun 7 20:39:13 2015
Deep inside every l33t, there is a n00b just yearning to be loved.
Thu Jun 11 20:39:20 2015
He also gained the ability to, just by the touch of a finger, quickly join several pages of paper into neat stacks.
Sun Jun 14 20:39:16 2015
Of course, your issue is NOT bigger than Vy Canis Majoris. You’re not THAT self-obsessed!
Thu Jun 18 20:39:22 2015
I know what you’re thinking! But this WAS the reserve parachute.
Sun Jun 21 20:39:17 2015
Of course, all he wanted was to put on some phat beats on the stereo system.
Thu Jun 25 20:39:50 2015
Another one he often uses is “Snakes eating eyeballs”.
Sun Jun 28 20:39:13 2015
Years later, long after Pete the Pony had shut down his flop show, he realized that it MIGHT have been a good idea to just swap the outside and inside banners.
Sun Jul 5 20:39:18 2015
I guess the kid was kind of right, I mean considering their dog was actually named Dino.
Thu Jul 9 20:39:17 2015
Insert rude and insensitive joke about dyslexia here.
Sun Jul 12 20:40:15 2015
…and his lawyers.
Thu Jul 16 20:39:24 2015
Another lifehack: Huge and heavy self help books can often double as a murder weapon!
Thu Jul 23 20:39:41 2015
Plot twist: So I guess this means SATAN is the true Time Lord! (I’ve never seen a single episode of Doctor Who - I hope this reference actually means something.)
Sun Jul 26 20:39:26 2015
Exactly how Geppetto wanted him to be.
Tue Jul 28 17:40:11 2015
Exactly how Geppetto wanted him to be.
Thu Jul 30 20:40:33 2015
Then they were all gunned down by People People.
Sun Aug 30 20:40:12 2015
He also does a killer reenactment of The Little Mermaid.
Thu Sep 3 20:41:34 2015
I did zero research for this comic, and I’ve never watched the Disney movie, so there MIGHT be some slight historical inaccuracies here. At least it is scientifically accurate!
Sun Sep 6 20:41:11 2015
The Hindenburg II passengers are also encouraged to spit or blow on any flames they should encounter.
Thu Sep 10 20:41:05 2015
Don’t worry! The fire department soon arrived and saved most of the money.
Sun Sep 13 20:41:20 2015
I swear he chugs an entire bottle of Ipecac before every visit these days.
Thu Sep 17 20:40:31 2015
That is truly disgusting. Gut-wrenching to say the least. I mean, a selfie stick!?
Sun Sep 20 20:41:04 2015
“Also, I should’ve fixed this piece of shit car.”
Thu Sep 24 20:39:30 2015
….yes, YOU.
Sun Sep 27 20:39:16 2015
Of course, between the third and fourth panel there was four seasons worth of a highly successful family sitcom.
Thu Oct 1 20:39:19 2015
At least I have a tag that fits this comic rather perfectly...
Sun Oct 4 20:39:08 2015
But we fought back with our own bat/snake hybrids! Of course, this plan instantly backfired. All of humanity is now being devoured by bat-snake/shark-spider hybrids.
Thu Oct 8 20:40:21 2015
If there’s any consolation, I don’t eat alien tentacle sandwiches with crust either.
Sun Oct 11 20:39:18 2015
“I’m squanching in here!” - An otherwise unrelated reference only cool people will get.
Thu Oct 15 20:41:05 2015
Of course, this costume was permanent, making it pretty useless for the other 364 days of the year.
Sun Oct 18 20:39:20 2015
The only cure is to watch the series finale of Six Feet Under on repeat for consecutive 3 months.
Thu Oct 22 20:39:20 2015
Fun fact! This comic is the actual origin of the term about feeling “under the weather”.
Sun Oct 25 20:39:18 2015
Another Fun Fact: This comic has definitely popularised the term “Rat Race” since 1932.
Thu Oct 29 20:39:34 2015
Alternate title: Candy Kick, but it would probably be too revealing.
Sun Nov 1 20:39:12 2015
Of course, this is why he turned evil in the first place.
Mon Nov 2 17:39:34 2015
Of course, this is why he turned evil in the first place.
Thu Nov 5 20:40:53 2015
Hollywood later found the footage and released it as yet another horrible horror movie. It was universally panned by critics, actually deemed “too violent”.
Sun Nov 8 20:39:32 2015
Thu Nov 12 20:39:30 2015
After conquering the world of hockey, Jason gave a stab at Chess, but was bored to death in his first match.
Sun Nov 15 20:39:50 2015
If this comic is late, and it is, it’s because I had to do A LOT of research.
Thu Nov 19 20:39:28 2015
If you have no money this void can also be filled by other things, right now I recommend Star Wars or Fallout 4. (Which, shit, also costs money.)
Sun Nov 22 20:39:29 2015
Plot twist: They’re all ghosts.
Thu Nov 26 20:39:33 2015
The second panel turned into a wet dream as soon as the creatures started making out.
Sun Nov 29 20:39:22 2015
Even worse, eventually eskimos were unable to cool their beers outside of their igloos.
Thu Dec 3 20:41:22 2015
The outrage is completely justified, of course. Have you ever tasted warm Tuborg? Disgusting. (Also when it’s cold, by the way.)
Sun Dec 6 20:40:38 2015
At least we got some incredibly warm weather in the days leading up to our demise.
Sun Dec 13 20:40:40 2015
Since this event I haven’t been all that religious, except for this week. I’ve just been obsessively praying that J.J. Abrams haven’t fucked up The Force Awakens.
Tue Dec 22 20:40:43 2015
“No, *I* am your Father... Christmas.”
Sun Dec 27 20:40:39 2015
The three wise deep ones brought squid, cod and gold, basically what everyone wants for Christmas.
Thu Jan 7 20:41:31 2016
Another popular VR experience is “Perfect Christmas Celebration”, where no racist or ignorant remarks are uttered by your elderly relatives.
Sun Jan 10 20:40:48 2016
Optipess will from now on be a gaming webcomic about these two wacky roommates! Next week: They disagree about Assassin’s Creed, and someone dies!
Thu Jan 14 20:40:47 2016
Of course, he later lost the prize when it later was revealed there was another guy who didn’t even bother to show up.
Sun Jan 17 20:40:53 2016
Of course, memory deletion soon got out of hand. By deleting our worst ones, even the pretty good ones became horrible by comparison. Soon our memories only consisted of a 45-second long stretch of euphoria, right at that moment when walking out of the clinic for the 1000th time. Everything else, scrapped.
Thu Jan 21 20:40:49 2016
Little Timmy never asked another question for the rest of his life.
Sun Jan 24 20:40:45 2016
The idea he managed to hide away was the idea for this comic.
Sun Jan 31 20:40:44 2016
Apologies to my readers suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder! All six of you. I also hope you support me separately on Patreon...
Thu Feb 4 20:40:42 2016
Plot twist: It was him all along.
Sun Feb 7 20:42:07 2016
And he only wore those fingerless gloves as a fashion statement!
Thu Feb 11 20:40:37 2016
This is so me IRL. I hate it when I accidentally eat all my romantic interests.
Sun Feb 14 20:40:31 2016
Sorry, Americans! I refuse to use anything else than the metric system in my comics. But you’re in luck! Turns out infinite kilometers are super easily converted to infinite miles.
Thu Feb 18 20:46:58 2016
She then promptly installed a CAPTCHA system.
Sun Feb 21 20:40:36 2016
Never forget, thousands and thousands of cars died to make Trackmania possible.
Sun Feb 28 20:42:25 2016
Unfortunately, Optitron was later devoured whole when the kid discovered his dads Fleshlight™.
Thu Mar 3 20:40:44 2016
The kid eventually figured out that he had been duped when another monster appeared the next week just imploring him to eat his vegetables.
Sun Mar 6 20:42:30 2016
But then… as the credits have finished… [birds chirping]
Thu Mar 10 20:41:21 2016
“Let’s go to the past, forever!”
Sun Mar 13 20:44:44 2016
Only 6 kids killed today!
Sun Mar 20 20:44:52 2016
Also the stairs have snakes on them.
Thu Mar 24 20:40:58 2016
The cute bunny ears also landed her a very lucrative Playboy shoot.
Sun Mar 27 20:42:16 2016
Only after the parents had bought the smaller iPhone SE did the kid understand that they too, had ears.
Thu Mar 31 20:42:45 2016
Plot twist: They all knew he faked it, and pranked him by burying his body.
Sun Apr 3 20:42:45 2016
Cthulhu let out a Dory-sized burp, then immediately also devoured Marlin.
Thu Apr 7 20:41:55 2016
Alternate title: Me IRL
Sun Apr 10 20:41:45 2016
To make matters worse, it was also impossible to invert look on the Y-axis.
Thu Apr 14 20:44:24 2016
I can barely make it through level 2, and even then your cat has to suck A LOT.
Sun Apr 17 20:43:02 2016
Huge apologies to Donald Trump. I know you’re reading this comic, Donald!
Thu Apr 21 20:42:50 2016
I guess this is the only thing all gamers can agree upon these days.
Sun Apr 24 20:42:33 2016
Turns out this family wasn’t going to survive anyway. The cumulative fridge magnet costs really cut into the food budget.
Thu Apr 28 20:42:39 2016
And thus began the zombie apocalypse.
Sun May 1 20:44:16 2016
The asteroid hit the earth just mere moments after they had finally decided what game to play.
Thu May 5 20:42:08 2016
Luckily playing homeless was A LOT more fun than doing taxes.
Sun May 8 20:41:23 2016
Having the colors for the emotions identical to Inside Out is no coincidence! I guess this could be a sequel of some sort? Disney, call me.
Thu May 12 20:39:43 2016
“Yes, that’s hilarious. You’re quoting The Exorcist.” “The Exorcist? Never heard of it.”
Sun May 15 20:41:18 2016
Thu May 19 20:40:26 2016
Also available, the Daytime Anxiety Booster™! Gives you a jolt of adrenaline to keep you awake at work!
Sun May 22 20:40:14 2016
”Other times rainbows are just unicorn sperm.”
Thu May 26 20:41:18 2016
The Snooze Fairy can sometimes also appear when you don’t set the alarm at all. This is called a nightmare, I guess.
Thu Jun 2 20:41:53 2016
”Ow! But… eureka, I’ve got it! Half-Life 3 confirmed!
Sun Jun 5 20:42:40 2016
Y’know the recently announced Rogue One reshoots? Exclusively happening to insert this scene in the movie.
Thu Jun 9 20:42:51 2016
The key to survive your entire work week is to PERMANENTLY attach this image to all your cubicle walls.
Sun Jun 12 20:42:52 2016
Cthulhu really enjoyed making the tiny humans f'lyeh.
Thu Jun 16 20:41:18 2016
In the end he just thought about praying.
Sun Jun 19 20:41:22 2016
The grand prize is just a brand new table!
Thu Jun 23 20:41:21 2016
He graciously unmuted them when they moved out a decade later.
Thu Jun 30 20:41:16 2016
And below Earth’s bed? Monster Jupiter.
Sun Jul 3 20:41:15 2016
Everyone else has a zipper on the back of their necks, right..? OK, not just me then, phew.
Fri Jul 8 17:40:48 2016
Just hours later he also won the ”Most (Inappropriately) Positive Comment to the Most Negative Article” Award.
Sun Jul 10 20:41:18 2016
The Teeth Fairy also collects children’s internal organs. She’s a busy bee!
Thu Jul 14 20:41:20 2016
Also, your hard drive has been formatted and your computer will self destruct in 10 seconds! Probably for the best.
Sun Jul 17 20:40:15 2016
Goodzilla had just read the radioactive version of David Allen’s ”Getting Things Done”.
Thu Jul 21 20:40:20 2016
He made the right choice. The door was locked anyway.
Sun Jul 24 20:41:33 2016
This is actually the plot to the upcoming standalone Batfleck movie.
Thu Jul 28 20:41:23 2016
Of course, the next morning all he could remember was that the idea had existed, and that it was brilliant.
Mon Aug 1 14:41:38 2016
All this is made possible by the exceptional antenna range of the R’lyeh Wi-Fi.
Thu Aug 4 20:41:31 2016
Click here for 15 cursor recipes. Number 4 will blow your mind!
Mon Aug 15 14:41:11 2016
“Actual experts condemn local useless expert.” - Story of my life.
Thu Aug 25 20:42:16 2016
Repeat ad infinitum/ad nauseam.
Sun Aug 28 20:41:07 2016
Horrifying fact: Each year, thousands of innocent civilians die because they’re not saved by superheroes stuck in make-up chairs and dressing rooms.
Thu Sep 1 18:01:16 2016
If only they could travel back to the future to warn themselves about the accident, but alas - there is no power i the Cretaceous period.
Sun Sep 4 20:43:37 2016
Sometimes she’d use an additional megaphone attached to her already megaphone head.
Sun Sep 11 20:41:37 2016
Don’t worry! The little power outlet went to power outlet heaven. Timmy however, that dipshit, went straight to hell.
Sun Sep 18 20:41:24 2016
Don’t worry! He was back into action just a few years later when the zombie apocalypse was rebooted.
Fri Sep 23 17:41:32 2016
I guess one could say he ROSE to RAISE (his bids).
Sun Sep 25 20:40:23 2016
It’s the circle of life: When one couple breaks up, another one gets together.
Tue Sep 27 14:45:12 2016
It’s the circle of life: When one couple breaks up, another one gets together.
Thu Sep 29 20:40:29 2016
Your move, Elon Musk!
Sun Oct 2 20:41:11 2016
The only character with 5 fingers in this comic is the only real one.
Thu Oct 6 20:41:31 2016
Yup, this is probably a metaphor for social media.
Sun Oct 9 20:40:54 2016
”Now set fire to your art supplies. Watch them burn.”
Thu Oct 13 20:45:42 2016
This skill gets maxed out by default when you’re too lazy to properly go through your character creation phase.
Sat Oct 15 14:43:02 2016
This skill gets maxed out by default when you’re too lazy to properly go through your character creation phase.
Sun Oct 16 20:41:21 2016
Yes yes I know, the scariest costume is obviously Hillary’s emails, but it's also the hardest to draw.
Thu Oct 20 20:42:27 2016
This comic is brought to you by SNICKERS™! Oops no wait, they just sued me instead.
Sun Oct 23 20:41:08 2016
Every single one of these statements was later publicly denied by his running mate Nyarlathotep.
Thu Oct 27 20:41:22 2016
Also available, the Sexy Turd costume, which is just a brown bikini.
Mon Oct 31 14:41:10 2016
The kids are really missing out. Nothing is as good as candy at a body temperature.
Thu Nov 3 20:41:53 2016
There is always money in the Bacon Stand.
Sun Nov 6 20:41:06 2016
Soon, this internal battle developed into an external one.
Thu Nov 10 20:41:06 2016
This comic can be as topical and political as you want it to be.
Sun Nov 13 20:41:19 2016
Good news! Optipess has now been optioned as a multi-cam sitcom about these two wacky roommates!
Sun Nov 20 20:41:19 2016
Even finding a bouncy castle would be preferable. Even if he only tried to live in it.
Thu Nov 24 20:42:00 2016
Directed by Zack Snyder.
Sun Nov 27 20:41:05 2016
However, considering it’s 2016 we’re talking about here, he would probably need a quadruple dosage after all.
Thu Dec 1 20:41:14 2016
#he #probably #uses #hashtags #like #this #as #well
Sun Dec 4 20:41:11 2016
You say tomato, I say tomahto, you say lasagna, I say lasagne. Tomato, tomahto, lasagna, lasagne, let’s call the whole thing off! (By which I mean, Garfield’s life.)
Thu Dec 8 20:41:12 2016
Then they both ceased to exist, forming a black hole of disbelief.
Sun Dec 11 20:40:48 2016
Turns out getting any Christmas presents this year was a *literal* pipe dream for the kids.
Fri Dec 16 20:41:28 2016
Any other year would do, actually. 1316? Yes, please.
Sun Dec 18 20:41:25 2016
Adding a tag saying ”Don’t open till Christmas” certainly didn’t help.
Thu Dec 29 20:41:16 2016
In a final horrible twist, the shitty year 2016 seemingly falls to its death, but twitches alive and rises with a menacing grin after the credits.
Fri Jan 6 17:41:58 2017
The original version of this comic was called ”A Polished Turd”, and it was definitely not safe for work or home or anywhere.
Sun Jan 8 20:41:30 2017
The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles, however, do not exist.
Fri Jan 13 17:42:53 2017
I guess if he was a gun you could say he was 'triggered'.
Sun Jan 15 20:41:52 2017
Later, the DVD version of ”Joe versus the Volcano” drifted ashore, but eh...
Thu Jan 26 20:42:32 2017
At least he got extremely lucky when they miraculously recovered his body three floors below ground level.
Sun Jan 29 20:41:15 2017
It was also his true calling to live in a crappy one-room apartment earning below minimum wage.
Fri Feb 3 14:41:21 2017
Pro tip: also cover your lawn in butter for extra flavour!
Sun Feb 5 20:41:13 2017
Save us, Guillermo del Toro, you’re our only hope!
Mon Feb 13 20:41:05 2017
Huh well, I guess this is basically reversed Tinder. Patent pending.
Wed Feb 15 17:41:09 2017
Huh well, I guess this is basically reversed Tinder. Patent pending.
Thu Feb 16 20:41:07 2017
This also works 100% of the time with climate change deniers. Try it!
Sun Feb 19 20:41:06 2017
Good news! The king in the fairy tale has now been sober for 12 months. And the dad in the real world has been sober for 12 minutes!
Fri Feb 24 20:41:28 2017
You will also feel a sudden urge to donate your life savings to the cartoonist!
Sun Feb 26 20:40:47 2017
Don’t worry! He DID get a sweet discount.
Thu Mar 2 20:40:27 2017
Keep clicking! Something WILL happen eventually.
Sun Mar 5 20:40:30 2017
There’s also a special kind of hell for all the drivers who exclusively use nothing but high beam headlamps.
Fri Mar 10 14:42:06 2017
One thing is true, though. He really DOES hate figs.
Sun Mar 12 20:42:08 2017
He also searched for really huge c*cks, i.e. roosters.
Thu Mar 16 20:40:27 2017
Alien Google can find A LOT. Except human intelligence.
Sun Mar 19 20:40:32 2017
Apparently this product actually exists, only sized for human hands. I expect an advertisement cheque in the mail!
Thu Mar 30 20:42:05 2017
Donate $1000 and I WILL tattoo this comic on my body somewhere!
Mon Apr 3 14:40:43 2017
Don’t worry, the atomic bomb isn’t primed.
Thu Apr 6 20:40:40 2017
Later that week they’d spot a quadruple rainbow, which also somehow killed three leprechauns.
Sun Apr 9 20:40:21 2017
He also forgot who was carrying the map.
Fri Apr 14 14:40:41 2017
Business Cat got fired a week later for sleeping on his keyboard.
Sun Apr 16 20:40:44 2017
The zombie should probably be very grateful. When he got back to the surface he could eat eight brains at once.
Thu Apr 20 20:40:56 2017
It was later revealed that ”The Man in the Moon” actually was their creepy uncle the entire time.
Sun Apr 23 20:41:20 2017
In case you were wondering, nuclear bombs obviously reproduce by cell splitting.
Fri Apr 28 20:40:55 2017
Luckily he also found a spell which would humanely murder any unfortunate manifestations.
Sun Apr 30 22:41:14 2017
After fixing this minor bug, the developers could soon state that he would PHYSICALLY die the next week in a freak accident. Science win!
Fri May 5 20:40:43 2017
The murderer was obviously Osvaldo Cavandoli.
Sun May 7 20:40:40 2017
The planet Nibiru was also involved in the conspiracy, somehow.
Fri May 12 14:40:44 2017
This prank was bought and paid for by a joint coalition of mammals.
Sun May 14 20:41:32 2017
Page 1 of 287.
Thu May 18 20:41:31 2017
After watching a bunch of videos from these flat earthers I have to admit they really make a lot of compelling arguments proving their own stupidity.
Sun May 21 20:40:38 2017
Apparently extensive knowledge about bad TV doesn’t count as a ”personality” anymore.
Thu May 25 20:40:34 2017
Of course, The Cooking Fairy had to show up at the pizza place as well. Where he had to order from another pizza place. And repeat.
Sun May 28 20:40:41 2017
The training wheels actually DID come in handy for driving games, though.
Thu Jun 1 20:40:43 2017
Alternate title: ”Someone eventually dies” or more accurately ”everyone eventually dies”.
Sun Jun 4 20:41:56 2017
His post finally flattened out at 6 billion dislikes.
Thu Jun 8 20:40:50 2017
On the other hand, if you can’t find a scapegoat, become an escape goat.
Thu Jun 15 20:40:51 2017
Adults usually celebrate even more when they reach that final level. And then you have those who are ecstatic to just reach the first stage.
Sun Jun 18 20:39:48 2017
And if they still don’t get it, your kids may just be as stupid as you are.
Thu Jun 22 20:39:54 2017
Apologies to all my sheep readers. If it’s any consolation you would make a delicious meal.
Sun Jun 25 20:41:21 2017
This is also all our forecasts, forever.
Thu Jun 29 20:40:45 2017
This is probably ironic, especially if you’re kinda lenient with your definition of irony: I had recently thrown out my busted artist mannequin doll so I had to use internet stock photos of other dolls as reference instead.
Sun Jul 2 20:40:36 2017
At the end there he is either really full or just possibly pregnant.
Sun Jul 9 20:40:34 2017
In the future, everyone feels useless most of the time. Unless they are a sign.
Thu Jul 13 20:40:40 2017
As an added bonus, raincoats protected the demons from holy water AND nasty human bloodstains.
Sun Jul 16 20:40:33 2017
Obviously everyone with a red car is a douchebag… Hold on, I have a red car..! Shit.
Thu Jul 20 20:40:28 2017
There are 7,519,722,259 pieces to this puzzle, and 335,896 expansion pieces are released every day. And still my piece is in an Escher-like impossible shape.
Sun Jul 23 20:40:37 2017
The obvious choice of anaesthesia for Dr. Bozo's surgeries is of course laughing gas.
Thu Jul 27 20:40:35 2017
I can relate somewhat to this comic as I’ve lately been desperately trying to stay awake while watching The Walking Dead season 6.
Mon Jul 31 08:41:09 2017
All these events would be tolerable to encounter if they at least happened on a workday.
Thu Aug 24 20:40:33 2017
Oops, I guess this comic could be meme material for all sorts of horrible purposes if the third panel is altered. Don’t do it!
Sun Aug 27 20:40:34 2017
This was just a small 2018 stand. The Christmas Candy for *2017* was aggressively placed further down near the register.
Thu Aug 31 20:42:07 2017
Yep, you guessed it, this comic was made pantless.
Sun Sep 3 20:40:35 2017
Obviously, he also has a marijuana farm. His great stuff will make you completely zoned out, walking around just grunting and moaning!
Thu Sep 7 20:40:40 2017
Even in death these two were inseparable, as one of the barrel pieces had fused itself into the henchman’s corpse.
Sun Sep 10 20:40:44 2017
He then froze himself waiting for technology capable of making him forget that he froze himself for something so stupid.
Fri Sep 15 14:06:54 2017
I’m a devout atheist, but I will absolutely TGIF.
Sun Sep 17 20:42:12 2017
'Friends with benefits' not found, instead showing results for 'masturbation techniques'.
Sun Sep 24 20:40:44 2017
Of course, later the clone cloned himself to avoid HIS calls. Repeat ad infinitum.
Thu Sep 28 20:41:02 2017
Plot twist: the kid was a ventriloquist all along.
Sun Oct 1 20:40:43 2017
”I see a lot new shitty faces here tonight. ‘Welcome’ to you all.”
Thu Oct 5 20:42:10 2017
If you lack puppies, you can also hug kittens instead, or even humans.
Sun Oct 8 20:40:39 2017
If/when I die, please put tons of ”get well soon”-bears on my grave.
Thu Oct 12 20:40:53 2017
His murder spree was sensibly rescheduled for Friday 13th, July 2018.
Thu Oct 19 20:40:56 2017
In this alternate universe, ghouls are ghosts, ghosts are werewolves, werewolves are vampires and vampires are zombies. Costumes (not depicted) are horror movies, bats are witches and cats are dogs. And obviously, pumpkins are houses, doors are kids, chocolate bars are parents and finally - people are candy.
Sun Oct 22 20:41:37 2017
It was a last minute decision to add King Kong to this comic. It was originally MC Hammer.
Thu Oct 26 20:43:38 2017
You’re probably safe if you used Internet Explorer, though.
Sun Oct 29 20:40:46 2017
Actually he alternates between going as Austin Powers and James T. Kirk.
Thu Nov 2 20:40:43 2017
This virus was eventually thwarted when everyone infected got prescribed 3 days of Netflix binging.
Sun Nov 5 20:41:11 2017
Your mother also reads Philip K. Dick in heaven.
Thu Nov 9 20:40:42 2017
[Lazy mouse-over joke.]
Sun Nov 12 20:42:05 2017
A hidden rake will attack when you least expect it. Check your showers!
Thu Nov 16 20:40:35 2017
oh no
Sun Nov 19 20:40:44 2017
He was later completely devoured by LinkedIn.
Thu Nov 23 20:42:28 2017
In a final desperate push the book was sold for $15, along with $20.
Sun Nov 26 20:40:44 2017
Next week: Why turning down the difficulty doesn’t mean you’re failing at life.
Thu Nov 30 20:40:40 2017
Unfortunately, 12 Optipess readers crashed and died due to reading this comic while driving.
Sun Dec 3 20:42:13 2017
Luckily all the kids got exactly what they wanted for Christmas, as long as it involved eternal despair and suffering.
Thu Dec 7 20:40:37 2017
This event would later start the actual War on Christmas.
Sun Dec 10 20:40:37 2017
It was certainly lucky that Rudolph had spent his hiatus learning network engineering so he could stop the malfunctioning drones in time! The hacker known as ”R-D” was never found.
Thu Dec 14 20:41:02 2017
4 months later the Tooth Fairy had to fill in for the Easter Bunny.
Sun Dec 17 20:40:41 2017
Fun fact: all these lumps of coal are for YOU, yes you, dear reader, reading this sentence. For shame.
Fri Dec 29 08:40:42 2017
Even more traumatizing, all the other Christmas decorations also asked to be put down. The demise of the birth of Christ diorama was especially upsetting.
Sun Jan 7 20:40:40 2018
This comic is brought to you by the Amazon Kindle Fire.
Thu Jan 11 20:40:41 2018
Chewbacca has paws, right? I refused to do any research which might break my illusions in this regard.
Sun Jan 14 20:40:48 2018
In-between panels three and four he rolled into the sawmill next door.
Thu Jan 18 20:40:45 2018
Supermom eventually went on to save the entire world, but sacrificed herself, when her child was strapped onto an incoming comet headed for earth.
Sun Jan 21 20:40:44 2018
For later movies in the series, the onomatopoeia were projected from a new invention called speakers.
Thu Jan 25 20:40:35 2018
But of course, the Love Detector ran off the next week with another Love Detector.
Sun Jan 28 20:40:38 2018
Ironically, I lost 370 million years of work on this comic due to not backing up properly.
Sun Feb 4 20:40:43 2018
Of course, the sword could just cut down the word balloon.
Thu Feb 8 20:40:34 2018
If this fails against all odds, duct tape can also be used to patch together great divorce papers.
Sun Feb 11 20:40:40 2018
Here’s hoping the amount of soldiers on the battlefield was even-numbered...
Thu Feb 15 20:40:37 2018
This comic is so relatable you are actually related to it! This comic is your long-lost cousin.
Sun Feb 18 20:40:34 2018
Curling poses are a bit like superhero three-point landings. Are we sure there are no curling players with superpowers? Superpatience, perhaps? To endure boring sports?
Thu Feb 22 20:40:41 2018
I will for sure use IDBEHOLDS one of these days at work.
Sun Feb 25 20:40:37 2018
However, the robots didn’t really feel compelled to destroy all humans until Terminator Salvation.
Thu Mar 1 20:40:40 2018
To add insult to injury, the aliens also used magnifying glasses to torment the humans.
Sun Mar 4 20:40:37 2018
You’ll be pleased to learn that Cthulhu did indeed get a store discount (before he devoured humanity anyway).
Thu Mar 8 20:40:41 2018
Brains are bad, m’kay. Do drugs instead.
Sun Mar 11 20:41:53 2018
They were having their friend Hannibal over for dinner.
Thu Mar 15 20:40:50 2018
This is also what hell is like.
Sun Mar 18 20:41:09 2018
I would probably be late for this class all the time. Applying ”love you” on my eyelids in the mirror is probably super hard.
Thu Mar 22 20:40:45 2018
* remember to bring enough oxygen for the return trip!
Sun Mar 25 20:40:42 2018
Thu Mar 29 20:40:37 2018
After countless deaths, The Easter Spider was later caught and crucified.
Sun Apr 1 17:41:06 2018
But don’t worry, the REAL Jesus would soon thereafter do an absolutely definitely scientifically impossible REAL resurrection.
Thu Apr 5 20:42:45 2018
He actually did find some pennies earlier, but spent them all on buying that book.
Sun Apr 8 20:40:38 2018
Flushing is a lot more unpleasant, though.
Thu Apr 12 20:42:09 2018
At least he got to kill his sinuses.
Sun Apr 15 20:40:41 2018
He saved the remaining spiders until Halloween to make chocolate covered eight-legged “candy”.
Thu Apr 19 20:40:38 2018
But within 24 hours you’ve probably bought 5 new TV sets in preparation for next week’s news.
Sun Apr 22 20:40:37 2018
He was eventually eradicated by his nemesis The Exterminator.
Thu Apr 26 20:40:46 2018
Don’t tell anyone, but Satan is modelled after my own boss. It looks just like her!
Sun Apr 29 22:40:47 2018
He later fell for buying repellent for fake fact-repellent spray.
Tue May 1 08:40:37 2018
He later fell for buying repellent for fake fact-repellent spray.
Thu May 3 20:40:35 2018
The truth is in there.
Sun May 6 20:40:41 2018
Unfortunately, since he forgot to draw a key, he’s now forever locked to that final panel.
Thu May 10 20:40:41 2018
The GOONIES eventually learned to never say never instead.
Mon May 14 14:40:37 2018
He was then sent to the grammar nazi concentration camp.
Thu May 17 20:40:46 2018
Also available, Threesome and/or orgy for 45 000 credits.
Sun May 20 20:40:37 2018
I have four of these! Now I’m just waiting for some kind of cloning technology...
Thu May 24 20:40:42 2018
Even without clogs, he’d eventually get caught wearing something very oranje.
Sun May 27 20:40:34 2018
Although, to be fair, Zellus’ barbecue took place 79 million years ago.
Thu May 31 20:40:33 2018
Of course, even in hell he got popular with his series explaining everything wrong with the ninth circle.
Sun Jun 3 20:40:38 2018
Uh oh, I accidentally drew exact renderings of my house and car keys in this comic! Please don’t replicate the keys and steal all my stuff. Thanks!
Sun Jun 10 20:40:33 2018
Life pro tip: Wear a yellow jump suit and you will never be attacked by more than one thug at a time.
Thu Jun 14 20:40:43 2018
Also allowed: Fuck Cancer, and Fuck Ajit Pai.
Sun Jun 17 20:41:10 2018
Yes, that’s exactly how a unicorn would hold a piece of paper.
Mon Jun 18 14:41:59 2018
Yes, that’s exactly how a unicorn would hold a piece of paper.
Thu Jun 21 20:40:38 2018
Moments later he needed a refill from the PlayStation tank, then the Xbox tank, then repeat.
Sun Jun 24 20:40:35 2018
There ARE maps, though. Made by people who are equally lost.
Thu Jun 28 20:40:35 2018
Yup, the best grief relief is viagra for your tombstones.
Sun Jul 1 20:40:43 2018
This only works with media that can be liquified, obviously.
Thu Jul 5 20:40:39 2018
No babies, real or fictional, were hurt during the production of this comic.
Sun Jul 8 20:40:32 2018
The only good kind of burnout is Burnout 2: Point of Impact.
Thu Jul 12 20:40:36 2018
Miraculously none of his inflatable pool toys were murdered.
Wed Jul 25 14:40:37 2018
Yup, I’ll probably repost this comic each time I’m on vacation, just slightly altering the calendar each time.
Thu Aug 9 20:40:34 2018
“Why should we change our name? They are the ones who suck!”
Sun Aug 12 20:40:38 2018
Cultists are also more successful romantically with other Deep Ones.
Thu Aug 16 20:40:51 2018
Also available, Pink Noise, which is just the sound of unicorns stabbing each other.
Sun Aug 19 20:40:40 2018
On most sequel turds they even drop doing most of the polishing.
Thu Aug 23 20:40:43 2018
Later he would ask for a tattoo of getting the first tattoo removed.
Sun Aug 26 20:40:40 2018
Whoever wins, Fahrenheit loses.
Thu Aug 30 20:38:41 2018
His last thought before dying: “I should’ve painted a door…”
Sun Sep 2 20:38:35 2018
If I was a hallucinogenic frog I would be licking myself constantly. (Also if I wasn’t hallucinogenic.)
Thu Sep 6 20:38:36 2018
Your true soulmate will also eventually learn to filter out your agony.
Sun Sep 9 20:38:36 2018
There’s no other way about it, if you’re alone on a tandem bike there’s surely a sad story behind it somehow. This sad story will make other people extremely happy.
Thu Sep 13 20:40:21 2018
If this time machine doesn’t work for you, you might just be an adult.
Sun Sep 16 20:38:37 2018
Aww, this was the cutest Bloodborne boss who ended up being cut from the game for being too easy.
Thu Sep 20 20:38:37 2018
You’re probably automatically an asshole if you’re thinking of buying this device.
Sun Sep 23 20:41:39 2018
The missing second person perspective is yours!
Thu Sep 27 20:38:38 2018
The second item on this list, “Finish a To-Do list” was checked off six years later.
Sun Sep 30 20:38:39 2018
Stuffing the entire universe into the spaceship and sending it into nothingness also proved pretty effective.
Thu Oct 4 20:38:57 2018
Spooktober is my favorite month right after Shocktober, which both are the same month, come to think of it.
Sun Oct 7 20:38:42 2018
Or maybe Trick x Treat is a better title. Although I’m sure neither are mathematically correct.
Thu Oct 11 20:38:40 2018
This also happens on Friday the 14th, except of course in February. (That’s his annual date night with Freddy.)
Sun Oct 14 18:19:02 2018
Obviously, TitsMcGee 1 through 4781 suffered the same fate.
Thu Oct 18 18:18:47 2018
Aw, emojis aren't allowed in the hover text, SO JUST IMAGINE THAT THESE WORDS ARE EVEN MORE ROFL AND LOL EMOJIS. LOL. ROFL. ETC.
Sun Oct 21 18:20:24 2018
Another main offender: the countless boring as balls zombie modes to every Call of Duty game.
Thu Oct 25 22:18:56 2018
(Un)fortunately, this treatment only works if you’re a pumpkin or The Joker.
Sun Oct 28 22:18:58 2018
Adorably, these two DID actually spoon later on. (After the kid had been murdered and hollowed.)
Sun Nov 4 18:18:54 2018
Yup, you guessed it: I made this comic instead of changing my bed sheets.
Thu Nov 8 22:18:59 2018
When he finally discovered he needed batteries for the Flirting Detector™, the most popular new device on the market was the Flirting Detector Scrambler™.
Sun Nov 11 22:18:53 2018
Also, in 91 years, don't make a sequel to The Matrix.
Thu Nov 15 18:18:58 2018
Of course, the only thing scarier is Super-Haunted Relatives Talking Politics.
Sun Nov 18 22:18:56 2018
”Knock, knock.” ”Who’s there?” ”Cthul.” ”Cthul-who?” [End of joke, also end of humanity.]
Thu Nov 22 18:22:00 2018
The stuffing consists of course mainly of Chile.
Sun Nov 25 18:21:48 2018
Disney, hire me! At least just so you can immediately fire me.
Thu Nov 29 18:21:52 2018
This comic is in no way associated with the garbage iBeer app on the App Store.
Sun Dec 2 18:18:53 2018
If this doesn't sound like a perfect date night already, later they had a threesome with Satan!
Thu Dec 6 18:19:36 2018
Well done, Rudolph! You saved your livelihood! Oh, wait...
Sun Dec 9 18:18:48 2018
Don't worry, moments later he was hit by a truck. (A truck carrying VR headsets.)
Thu Dec 13 22:18:48 2018
Another Santa surprise was how terribly his body would smell when the kids tried to burn it in the fireplace.
Sun Dec 16 22:18:56 2018
Rudolph, on the other hand, is put to sleep after Christmas and cloned from scratch the next year.
Thu Jan 3 22:18:53 2019
4. Fire some minions to cut costs.
Sun Jan 6 18:18:54 2019
All the humans were then sacrificed by the goats in an angelic ritual.
Thu Jan 10 18:19:00 2019
This is also my response to Ridley Scott's new Alien films.
Fri Jan 11 13:19:08 2019
This is also my response to Ridley Scott's new Alien films.
Sun Jan 13 18:18:57 2019
Yes, that is a gravestone with USB ports.
Thu Jan 17 18:19:09 2019
I'm now hoping these animals will become Hollywood actors.
Fri Jan 18 13:18:55 2019
I'm now hoping these animals will become Hollywood actors.
Sun Jan 20 18:19:13 2019
Hindenburg 2.5 was swiftly deployed afterwards, equipped with flamethrowers.
Thu Jan 24 18:19:42 2019
Any concealed weapons in this comic wouldn't go off, of course. Like the hidden gun in the old lady's purse.
Sun Jan 27 18:19:01 2019
Also high up on the list, worrying about worrying.
Thu Jan 31 18:18:56 2019
When the 'are you still watching' screen appears you'll have completed your daily workout!
Sun Feb 3 18:19:48 2019
Also, when you eventually get back home after the brutal hellscape which is your daily life, you can just fall face first into your bed and be ready for hours of beautiful sleep, right away!
Thu Feb 7 18:19:02 2019
Of course, all the fish in the lake swam through the hole in the sinking ice so none of them got crushed. Phew!
Sun Feb 10 18:19:03 2019
But they HAD discovered their new passion: Complaining about utopia!
Thu Feb 14 18:19:04 2019
Pro tip: shift your calendar schedule so you're permanently one week behind everyone else. This way you'll get maximum savings throughout the year!
Sun Feb 17 18:19:00 2019
Well, I guess he could wish for another well.
Thu Feb 21 22:18:55 2019
Unfortunately he's not housebroken, and he urinates from an infinite amount of orifices.
Sun Feb 24 18:19:02 2019
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!
Mon Feb 25 18:18:56 2019
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!
Thu Feb 28 18:19:08 2019
Of course, the stress balls are only designe to endure 10 000 squeezes, so you'll be forced to constantly buy new ones.
Sun Mar 3 18:18:57 2019
This comic is entirely accurate, scientifically and otherwise. Well, except that I would never drive with both hands on the steering wheel.
Thu Mar 7 18:19:24 2019
Actually it just wanted to tell a Knock Knock joke, but decided to devour a human instead.
Sun Mar 10 22:19:03 2019
This comic is not entirely realistic, I know! The USB cable would never enter correctly on its first try.
Fri Mar 15 00:20:32 2019
And they're all playing Crazy Frog.
Sun Mar 17 22:19:01 2019
I bet my 12yo self would be borderline offended that as an adult I own exactly zero radio-controlled cars.
Fri Mar 22 18:19:15 2019
We learned the hard way that there's no Earth 3. Turns out our Earth was Earth 2's second Earth.
Mon Apr 1 13:19:09 2019
Behind the eyes there is another pair of glasses, though.
Fri Apr 5 20:32:04 2019
The lie detector also revealed that I lied in the previous comic about removing the glasses.
Sun Apr 7 18:19:36 2019
They also stole his pot, AND his weed.
Thu Apr 11 19:51:15 2019
Lesson learned: don't be a dick to future you.
Sun Apr 14 18:18:57 2019
Of course, as the saying goes, if you want to make Easter omelette, you have to break some Easter eggs.
Sun Apr 28 18:19:04 2019
The only game he actually liked was Immortal Kombat.
Sun May 5 18:19:12 2019
Luckily he had an infinite amount of dirty dishes, so he never got taken out.
Thu May 9 18:19:06 2019
To be fair, if it was a Marvel movie it was probably pretty forgettable anyway. Hey-o!
Sun May 12 22:19:10 2019
The party was a huge hit up until this little snag. Kids were delighted to decorate Cthulhu's tentacles with friendship bracelets.
Thu May 16 22:19:00 2019
The surgery was a success! Afterwards he couldn't even cry tears of joy.
Sun May 19 18:19:04 2019
On land they were already well known for their completely all-encompassing and entirely unavoidable air pollution.
Thu May 23 22:19:01 2019
Its tendrils writhing within the room, the entity inched closer to the still oblivious little Timmy. When it was close enough to taste him, to devour him if he so would choose, he stopped, instead hovering above his head. A heartbeat's moment passed. Then the whisper emerged. It seemed to originate so close to Timmy's ear it might as well come from within his own skull. The sentence echoed inside him, trembling, just like when the creature had finally shared its deepest secret: “I'm gay”.
Sun May 26 18:19:03 2019
Don't worry, this all happened at a renaissance fair. Most of the people in the background were not executed for real.
Thu May 30 18:19:07 2019
I didn't do any research for this comic at all, so don't come at me with your facts about involuntary spasms of the diaphragm!
Sun Jun 2 19:58:37 2019
Luckily, eventually he found out that he actually could use one of those translucent controllers.
Thu Jun 6 22:19:11 2019
Luckily, eventually he found out that he actually could use one of those translucent controllers.
Sun Jun 9 18:19:05 2019
Whoever wins, we lose.
Thu Jun 13 22:19:10 2019
An alternative cure is just to stay indoors at all times under a waterproof blanket.
Mon Jun 17 06:07:24 2019
Of course, it wasn't the idea for THIS comic.
Mon Jun 17 13:19:35 2019
Of course, it wasn't the idea for THIS comic.
Thu Jun 20 18:19:05 2019
In fourth place, Cancelling plans to shit you don't want to do.
Sun Jun 30 18:19:14 2019
Turns out he didn't have enough time to cram in even the UK version.
Thu Jul 4 18:19:09 2019
He finally got some shuteye after starting to imagine a fence for the brain to bounce over.
Sun Jul 7 18:19:08 2019
The pictures from her funeral were MUCH easier to replicate.
Fri Jul 12 12:31:42 2019
Phew, luckily that was a dream so I wouldn't have to draw that! Wait...
Sun Jul 14 18:18:58 2019
Oh no, looks like I made too much an effort with this comic. Should've just made it with crayons.
Thu Jul 18 18:19:02 2019
For an additional 25 000 credits you can forget the prices of your initial memory wipe!
Sun Jul 21 18:19:07 2019
But, just mere days later, I regret to inform you that his phone battery died.
Mon Jul 22 13:19:20 2019
But, just mere days later, I regret to inform you that his phone battery died.
Thu Jul 25 18:19:12 2019
[Extremely Witty Hover Text]
Sun Aug 11 18:19:49 2019
This button certainly does not work during school or work hours.
Thu Aug 15 18:19:23 2019
Of course, he was captured before he could complete his ridiculous final murders where body parts would be arranged in increasingly preposterous patterns. (This is probably also a Hannibal episode.)
Thu Aug 22 18:19:15 2019
Don't worry, the device doesn't extract YOUR religion, only all the other thousand fake ones.
Sun Aug 25 18:20:41 2019
Don't worry, it's just The Snooze Fairy. It snoozes the alarm for you until you're actually ready to get up.
Sun Sep 1 18:20:07 2019
Frankenstein's monster then went on a killing spree while insisting he'd be called Adam.
Thu Sep 5 22:19:21 2019
WE ALSO WANT REAL HOVERBOARDS, NOT THE FAKE ONES WE HAVE NOW.
Sun Sep 8 18:19:22 2019
Several members of the (former) science community were spotted sobbing in the nearby bathroom after witnessing the shocking outcome.
Thu Sep 12 22:19:39 2019
He DID remember the next Friday 13th in December, and stepped up by murdering Santa AND Rudolph.
Sun Sep 15 18:19:18 2019
The soundtrack for this comic was provided by The Cure.
Thu Sep 19 18:19:17 2019
Don't worry, the only casualty of this event was the bomb. Oh, and the alarm clock, of course.
Sun Sep 22 18:19:20 2019
I'm sure some pedantic reader can/will find another grammatical mistake in this comic. If so, it was comlpetely intentional!
Thu Sep 26 18:19:24 2019
At least he would now get mistaken for a much sexier mermaid.
Sun Sep 29 18:19:11 2019
Later, after the two of them had been living together for years, glasses guy noticed that it wasn't even his coin.
Thu Oct 3 18:19:26 2019
On the other hand, if you want to scare Greta you'll have to dress up as her decaying future.
Thu Oct 10 18:19:21 2019
Even worse, the recorder also picked up 666 hours of demonic snoring.
Sat Oct 12 18:19:14 2019
Even worse, the recorder also picked up 666 hours of demonic snoring.
Sun Oct 13 18:19:24 2019
It probably comes as no surprise that this kid also has a loose screw.
Sun Oct 20 18:19:15 2019
This is it everyone, let's delete our accounts! (You first.)
Thu Oct 24 22:19:15 2019
Even when we win, we lose!
Sun Oct 27 22:19:22 2019
In other words, trick AND treat.
Sun Nov 3 18:19:25 2019
Thu Nov 7 18:19:28 2019
My most wholesome comic? Wrong! The tail was later put in solitary confinement serving a life sentence without parole.
Sun Nov 10 18:19:30 2019
Of course, after realizing this was a futile effort, the plant later made another attempt with carbon monoxide.
Thu Nov 14 22:19:30 2019
Eventually he had to succumb to this illness, surrounded by rainbowed get-well-soon balloons.
Sun Nov 17 18:19:26 2019
The technique eventually worked for him when he started to listen to Sunn O))) instead.
Thu Nov 21 22:21:15 2019
Of course, these credits lasted for four weeks.
Sun Nov 24 18:20:20 2019
He's an arachnaphobe as well.
Fri Nov 29 15:19:50 2019
Luckily the gun in the song is also made out of cardboard.
Sun Dec 1 21:54:22 2019
If only it were this easy, I would have canceled Christmas multiple times over several years ago.
Fri Dec 6 07:20:22 2019
Later they also ate their candy wheelchairs.
Sun Dec 8 18:20:16 2019
I bet Enrico Fermi never has been ghosted.
Fri Dec 13 15:19:25 2019
All the chocolates are gore-flavored.
Sun Dec 15 18:19:26 2019
Snail Santa isn't fast, however, so he only had time to terminally traumatize little Timmy here and two other kids.
Sun Dec 22 18:19:28 2019
Rudolph is of course out of frame down below, where he got thoroughly decapitated on December 2nd.
Sun Jan 5 18:18:27 2020
Every high school ghost is especially terrifying.
Thu Jan 9 22:18:18 2020
Every single one of my readers (except one) are nailing it so far in 2020!